IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You have recently moved to a different location where you experience frequent electricity breakdown. Write a letter to the electricity board. In your letter, describe the situation, tell what problems you are facing due to this, explain what you want the board to do

#location #electricity #breakdown #board #situation
Dear sir, I hope you are doing well, I am writing to request to maintain the poor electricity connection in my area.
Firstly
 , I am a university student I recently moved to
this
 city.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I prefer
this
 city, their infrastructure is not well. and I have faced, several problems with the poor electricity connection.
Therefore
, I informed several time to the branch assistant he refused it.
Secondly
, I am unable to concentrate
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 my study. And most of the evening time lights are blinking for a few hours. and
also
 my 55-inch
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 has broken
due to
 the poor electricity connection.
moreover
, my watching machine and wall lamps are not working properly.
Due to
 the situation, I asked my
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 who had the same problem, I kindly request you to please visit
this
 area and give the solution as soon as possible,
additionally
 I need to ensure my electronic items that had damage. Please kindly attention, to
this
 matter, Dhanu, Faithfully.
Submitted by dhanushkalakmal19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to address each point more clearly. For example, state the problems more explicitly and provide more context to make your situation clearer.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and progress logically to the next.
task achievement
Use more formal language as appropriate for a letter to an official. Avoid using informal phrases and ensure your tone stays respectful and polite throughout.
task achievement
You have provided a description of the situation and explained the problems you are facing due to the electricity breakdown.
coherence cohesion
The letter contains an appropriate greeting and closing, which is good for formal letter writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: