Write about the following topic: All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Almost in all
the
parts of the Correct article usage
apply
world
it was observed that the wealthy Add a comma
world,
people
are becoming even more
wealthier Add the comma(s)
, even more,
whereas
the poor people
are becoming poorer. This
essay will discuss the problem
that was causing this
issue. Following that it will discuss the solutions to overcome this
problem
.
The rich people
are becoming richer and the poor people
are becoming poorer. One of the main reasons behind this
problem
is inflation. In contemporary times, the value of money
is keep
on Wrong verb form
keeps
deprecating
. Correct your spelling
depreciating
As a result
of this
a Add a comma
this,
person
wants to spend a lot of money
on the same product, which he/she bought for low
rate earlier. At Correct article usage
a low
this
time when the person
's salary
was not increased then
he have
to spend all his income on buying things for his living. Wrong verb form
had
The
recent survey that was taken among the Correct article usage
A
people
illustrates that,
Remove the comma
apply
the
poor Correct article usage
apply
people
are spending all their money
on buying the
products for their living Correct article usage
apply
while
it varies in case
of wealthy Correct article usage
the case
people
.
This
problem
can be solved by increasing the salary
of a person
or increasing the tax lab
in a Correct your spelling
law
country
. When the price of the product is increased and the salary
/ tax lab is also
increased then
the person
will have some extra amount to increase their standard of living. The best example for this
scenario will be the country
named ABC. In that country
the value of Add a comma
country,
money
was keep
on increasing but the Wrong verb form
keeps
salary
of Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
people
who are living in those
Change the determiner
that country
those countries
country
have not increased. As a result
of this
almost fifty to sixty Add a comma
this,
percentage
of the Replace the word
per cent
people
are considered as the poor people
in that country
. In addition
to that the country
itself now
considered as one of the Add a missing verb
is now
poor
countries in the world.
In conclusion, increasing the standard of living of a Correct word choice
poorest
person
is not only depend
upon him but Replace the word
dependent
also
relies on the country
he/she is living.
When Change preposition
in.
the
external factor Correct article usage
apply
such
as inflation affects the people
in a country
, the rich people
can easily find a way to increase their wages whereas
it is difficult for the poor people
to sustain.Submitted by r.harip3 on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the question and attempts to discuss the problems and solutions related to the widening gap between the rich and the poor. However, the ideas could be more clearly organized. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that each point directly supports the thesis.
task achievement
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, "the value of money is keep on deprecating" should be rephrased to "the value of money keeps depreciating." Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to improve clarity.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. The mention of "the country named ABC" is too vague and does not effectively illustrate your argument. Mention real-world examples or hypothetical but concrete situations.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally cohesive and the ideas flow logically. However, transitions between ideas can be improved to enhance the overall coherence. Use linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," etc., to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader. For example, the paragraph discussing inflation should start with a sentence like, "Inflation is a major contributing factor to the widening gap between the rich and the poor." This helps maintain focus.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow the writer’s arguments.
task achievement
The writer attempts to provide solutions to the problem, which shows a comprehensive approach to the task.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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