IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Almost in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parts of the
world
Add a comma
world,
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 it was observed that the wealthy
people
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 are becoming
even more
Add the comma(s)
, even more,
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 wealthier
whereas
Linking Words
 the poor
people
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 are becoming poorer.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the
problem
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 that was causing
this
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 issue. Following that it will discuss the solutions to overcome
this
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problem
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. The rich
people
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 are becoming richer and the poor
people
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 are becoming poorer. One of the main reasons behind
this
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problem
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 is inflation. In contemporary times, the value of
money
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is keep
Wrong verb form
keeps
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 on
deprecating
Correct your spelling
depreciating
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.
As a result
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 of
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 a
person
Use synonyms
 wants to spend a lot of
money
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 on the same product, which he/she bought for
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 rate earlier. At
this
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 time when the
person
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's
salary
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 was not increased
then
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 he
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 to spend all his income on buying things for his living.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 recent survey that was taken among the
people
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 illustrates that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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poor
people
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 are spending all their
money
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 on buying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
products for their living
while
Linking Words
 it varies in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of wealthy
people
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.
This
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problem
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 can be solved by increasing the
salary
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 of a
person
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 or increasing the tax
lab
Correct your spelling
law
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 in a
country
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. When the price of the product is increased and the
salary
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/ tax lab is
also
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 increased
then
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 the
person
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 will have some extra amount to increase their standard of living. The best example for
this
Linking Words
 scenario will be the
country
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 named ABC. In that
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country
Add a comma
country,
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 the value of
money
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was keep
Wrong verb form
keeps
show examples
 on increasing but the
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salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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 of
people
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 who are living in
those
Change the determiner
that country
those countries
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country
Use synonyms
 have not increased.
As a result
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 of
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this
Add a comma
this,
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 almost fifty to sixty
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 of the
people
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 are considered as the poor
people
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 in that
country
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.
In addition
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 to that the
country
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 itself
now
Add a missing verb
is now
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 considered as one of the
poor
Correct word choice
poorest
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 countries in the world. In conclusion, increasing the standard of living of a
person
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 is not only
depend
Replace the word
dependent
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 upon him but
also
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 relies on the
country
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 he/she is living
.
Change preposition
in.
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 When
the
Correct article usage
apply
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external factor
such
Linking Words
 as inflation affects the
people
Use synonyms
 in a
country
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, the rich
people
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 can easily find a way to increase their wages
whereas
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 it is difficult for the poor
people
Use synonyms
 to sustain.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the question and attempts to discuss the problems and solutions related to the widening gap between the rich and the poor. However, the ideas could be more clearly organized. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that each point directly supports the thesis.
task achievement
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, "the value of money is keep on deprecating" should be rephrased to "the value of money keeps depreciating." Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to improve clarity.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. The mention of "the country named ABC" is too vague and does not effectively illustrate your argument. Mention real-world examples or hypothetical but concrete situations.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally cohesive and the ideas flow logically. However, transitions between ideas can be improved to enhance the overall coherence. Use linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," etc., to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader. For example, the paragraph discussing inflation should start with a sentence like, "Inflation is a major contributing factor to the widening gap between the rich and the poor." This helps maintain focus.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow the writer’s arguments.
task achievement
The writer attempts to provide solutions to the problem, which shows a comprehensive approach to the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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