Public health is becoming an urgent issue nowadays. Some argue that government should create nutrition and food choice laws to improve public health, while others believe that it is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is unfortunate that in the midst of vast progress in
very
field in every field of life, there is a growth of Correct your spelling
every
health
issues. Many people
believe that laws can improve public health
by influencing people
's choices of food
, I partially agree with this
point of view, moreover
, I personally reckon that individuals should also
make wise decisions and take the
Correct article usage
apply
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
of
their own Change preposition
for
health
and well-being.
In the first place, governments should pass regislations
to restrict the supplies of Correct your spelling
legislation
legislations
food
which may undermine people
's health
. For example
, both cigarettes and alcohol Correct your spelling
should
shoud
be banned to a certain age limit, Correct your spelling
should
menwhile
, taxes Correct your spelling
while
Change preposition
on
of
Change preposition
on
such
goods should be increased Correct word choice
apply
so that
to discourage Correct word choice
apply
Change the word
their
the
consumption. Correct pronoun usage
their
According to
a recent survey, four million people
die each year from diseases linked to smoking, in addition
, the age of people
who suffer from obesity, diabetes and heart attack is getting yonger
and younger. Under today's rapid globalization and Correct your spelling
younger
food
industry monopoly, it is imperative for governments to take the initiative to make Add an article
a favorable
favorable
influence Change the spelling
favourable
on
Change preposition
apply
people
's choice of food
.
On the other hand
, some people
may argue that it's a basic right to choose what they eat, which is undeniable, therefore
, laws should not limit the diversity of foods and nutrition that people
can acquire. However
, this
is exactly why it is more important that each individual should be responsible for their own health
. To cite a few examples, temptation
of delicious taste causes irrational Add an article
the temptation
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
of
Change preposition
in
people
's everyday diets; busy city life drive
Change the verb form
drives
people
to eat easier but unhealthier fast food
; modern lifestyle made
Wrong verb form
makes
people
indulged
in excessive alcohol and irregular meals. Any individual, who is blind to Wrong verb form
indulge
this
point, may pay a heavy price.
From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that, although
laws and legislations indeed make
certain positive Verb problem
have
effect
on Fix the agreement mistake
effects
people
's decisions to keep a healthy diet, individuals should also
make efforts to protect their own body health
.Submitted by carriexue23 on
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task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt and presents arguments for both views. However, some ideas could be further elaborated or clarified. Try to provide more specific examples to support your points and ensure all aspects of the prompt are fully covered.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure to your essay, but transitions between ideas can be more refined. Using cohesive devices and ensuring sentences flow better from one to the next will enhance the logical progression of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the key points, but it can be strengthened by clearly reiterating your stance and tying it back to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in organizing your thoughts and presenting your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic and given a balanced view on both sides of the argument. This comprehensiveness is commendable.
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