IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the govrnment's reseponsibility. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Things
Use synonyms
 that should be covered by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 or
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 are discussed at the moment.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 protection and
education
Use synonyms
 are not the
governments
Change to a genitive case
government's
governments'
show examples
 responsibility, I side with those who believe that those
things
Use synonyms
 should be controlled by the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
. On the one hand, it could be argued that medical
management
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 should covered by
people
Use synonyms
 themselves because it could pose one challenge. As we know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not all
people
Use synonyms
 are well
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
.
Consequently
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, covering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 care and
education
Use synonyms
 will make their expenses
rising
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
, and it would
made
Change the verb form
be made
make
show examples
 their daily groceries hardly
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fulfilled. To illustrate, when
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
 member from
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 suddenly on
sickness
Replace the word
sick
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of month, it can be a disaster for them as the money
acoount
Correct your spelling
account
 is less than the invoice
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 service since the family salary
already
Add a missing verb
is already
show examples
 used for daily groceries
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the start or middle date of the month.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe with those who think that wellness
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 and
education
Use synonyms
 should be managed by the governments for two main reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, those
things
Use synonyms
understandable
Add a missing verb
are understandable
show examples
 not to be charged to the
people
Use synonyms
 as
people
Use synonyms
 already pay for taxes. The authority of
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
a government
show examples
 should
managed
Change the verb form
manage
show examples
 the
income
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 taxes to
covered
Wrong verb form
cover
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 care and
education
Use synonyms
 as
income
Use synonyms
 from their
people
Use synonyms
 could be best when it serve back to them.
Secondly
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, if the medical
management
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
are well manage
Change the verb form
are well managed
show examples
 by the authority, they can
planning
Change the verb form
plan
be planning
show examples
 to enhance the quality of public
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 easily. The importance of public
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 should be hardly fought by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 as those can bring so
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 advantages in the future. To represent, the good medical
management
Use synonyms
 in Singapore
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 from
neighbour
Replace the word
neighbouring
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as Indonesia to go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
there when they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
illness
Add an article
an illness
the illness
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
 in
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
show examples
, the
income
Use synonyms
 from medical treatment in Singapore had
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase not only from local
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 from foreign. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 can pay the medical
management
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 by themselves, I remain firmly convinced that those
things
Use synonyms
 should be managed by the
government
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Try to proofread your essay to avoid minor grammatical errors and typos like "govrnment" (should be "government"), "are not the governments responsibility" (should be "are not the government's responsibility"), and "a disaster for them as the money acoount" (should be "a disaster for them as the money account").
content development
Aim to develop your arguments further by providing more specific and vivid examples. Your examples are relevant but could be expanded to make them more compelling.
language use
Improve sentence variety to enhance readability and engagement. Avoid repetitive sentence structures and try to use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
structure
You clearly present both viewpoints and offer your own opinion, which is crucial for a complete task response.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and clear, effectively framing your essay.
content
You make a logical argument as to why the government should handle health care and education.
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