IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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As human
behavior
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behaviour
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 has changed to a large extent, advertising methods to attract both prospective and current
customers
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 are necessary to evolve. I believe that
this
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 is a beneficial development, as
businesses
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 can maximize their potential through diverse advertising approaches.
To begin
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 with, people's shopping
behaviors
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behaviours
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 are dynamic from time to time.
For example
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, some of them
are now prefer
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now prefer
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high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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products
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 with reasonable prices over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cheap ones. To
response
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respond
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this
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to this
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 phenomenon,
businesses
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 are required to be adaptive in promoting their
products
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. If they fail to do so, they might be beaten by new competitors.
Furthermore
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, the vast evolution of technology
also
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 plays a significant role
to
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in
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this
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 beneficial development.
While
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 it may sound challenging to remain attractive, nowadays,
businesses
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 are provided with a wide variety of promotional media. Product placements are not limited to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 placed in an advertisement section in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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newspapers or magazines.
For instance
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, business owners can opt to maximize their
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products
Change the noun form
product
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 potential through social media influencers, that have gained numerous amount of followers. Their introduction may be seen as
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 intimate
approaches
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approach
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 to the
audiences
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audience
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,
compare
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compared
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 to the brand's introduction.
Moreover
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, today's advertisement objectives are not merely to attract new
customers
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,
yet
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but
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also
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maintain
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to maintain
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 the existing ones. The means of advertising have been extended
further
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, so
businesses
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 can persist
on
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for
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 a longer period. As the impact, it is
essentials
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essential
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 for the owners to try different
approach
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approaches
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of
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to
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 promotions. Promote a loyalty program to their
customers
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,
for example
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.
To conclude
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, business owners are urged to be creative in advertising their
products
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 and services, to cater
the
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for the
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 shift in customer's shopping styles. They can utilize the use of technology, as it now offers various means of advertising media to engage with new
customers
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 and maintain the current one.

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task achievement
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which is great. However, try to make your main points clearer and directly related to the prompt question.
task achievement
When discussing why businesses emphasize their products as new, provide more specific examples or explanations to make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and flows logically. Use linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
introduction conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice structure to your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally easy to understand and you have included different aspects of the topic in your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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