Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.
We've all seen that a great deal of invents in history were made by
women
who were free to continue their studies and never been
stopped by their husbands. It's Unnecessary verb
apply
truely
wrong to think that Correct your spelling
truly
women
should be limited to the kitchen and raising children. Women
are as capable to be
decisiveness Verb problem
of
as well as
men
and there's no difference between the systematic of their brain. However
, in today's world unfortunately there are still a small group of men
who believe that women
should be restricted in the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
Although
women
are not physically
Rephrase
as physically
strong
as Rephrase
as strong
men
, but
the function of their Remove the conjunction
apply
brain
and their logic might be even more than some Fix the agreement mistake
brains
men
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
truth has been prooved
many Verb problem
proven
time
during previous decades. Maria Curie can be mentioned as one of the most powerful Fix the agreement mistake
times
women
in the
history Correct article usage
apply
who
was the Correct pronoun usage
she
he
the
first lady Remove the redundancy
apply
won
Change the verb form
to win
Nobel
Prize in physics and chemistry which is brilliant and until today many Correct article usage
the Nobel
of
young ladies have Change preposition
apply
been
imitated Unnecessary verb
apply
from
her big personality to achieve their goals.
Despite the fact that society might Change preposition
apply
had
been furious about her discoveries and their achievements, ultimately they had to inevitably accept her as a stronger person who had done many things Change the verb form
have
for making
a brighter path for the future of humankind. Namely, one of Change preposition
to make
the
brilliant works Change the word
her
of
Change preposition
apply
her
was led to Correct pronoun usage
apply
invention
of X-Ray in Add an article
the invention
hospital
field. Add an article
the hospital
This
discovery was so eye catching
that radically changed the procedure of Add a hyphen
eye-catching
dignosises
in medical Correct your spelling
diagnosis
diagnoses
sience
. The other achievement that changed the human future was the discovery of polonium which was named after Poland, her homeland.
Correct your spelling
science
To sum up
, It's not correct to show bulliying
over Correct your spelling
bullying
women
and restrict them to house
. Add an article
the house
Women
are an important part of a society that can't be ommited
. Correct your spelling
omitted
Instead
, it's crucial to help and encourage them to pass higher levels of achievements in order to have a better spirit to raise strong children for the future of the country.Submitted by maryamnikfekr on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is mostly coherent and follows a logical structure, but some sentences could be rephrased for better clarity and flow. For example, "Women are as capable to be decisiveness as well as men" could be improved to "Women are as capable of being decisive as men."
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt and included clear and comprehensive ideas. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that need correction, such as "It's truely wrong" which should be "It is truly wrong."
relevant specific examples
The essay provides specific and relevant examples, such as mentioning Marie Curie's achievements, which significantly strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.