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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. to what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#art #classes #child #development #subjects #schools
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Whether
students
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 must
study
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art
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 courses because of their importance makes an argument.
This
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 writer believes
art
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classes
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 do help
children
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 but making
art
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classes
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 compulsory is not
need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 because they lean more on hobbies rather than
subjects
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, other
subjects
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such
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 as math,
physics
Correct word choice
and physics
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 are more important for the child's development. It is evident that painting and drawing are more likely a hobby not a
subject
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. Painting and drawing do develop a child's creativity but
children
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 who do not like drawing and are not good at it will think it is ridiculous for
art
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 to become compulsory in schools.
Moreover
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, nowadays teachers that teach drawing are so boring and most of the teachers do not care what
children
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 do in their
classes
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.
As a result
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,
children
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 seem to see
art
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classes
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 as a class that lets them play freely and do whatever they want more than thinking it is a class to develop their skills and creativity. From prior knowledge,
subjects
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such
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 as maths and physics are more important than
art
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 and studying those
subjects
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 is pretty heavy and hard. If
students
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 have to
study
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art
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 in
school
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,
students
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 will think that studying main
subjects
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 is enough and they do not want another
subject
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 to become a main
subject
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 for them to
study
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.
Consequently
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,
students
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 get tired and do not want to
study
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 anymore.
Additionally
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, parents can provide markers and papers for their
children
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 to draw at home to reduce stress in
school
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 and relax if they need
.
Fix the infinitive
to.
show examples
To conclude
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, drawing could reduce stress for
students
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 and enhance creative ability but not important to become a compulsory
subject
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 at
school
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 as it is more a hobby than a
subject
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 to
study
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.
Thus
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, painting can reduce stress and develop
children
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's skills in leisure time at home or free time in
school
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.
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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that all points are fully developed and clearly connected to the topic. Providing relevant and specific examples to support your arguments will strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on creating logical and smooth transitions between your ideas. Ensure each paragraph flows well into the next. Using appropriate linking words and phrases will help in this regard.
general
Revising for grammatical accuracy and lexical resource will also aid in delivering a clearer and more polished essay. Avoid repetitive phrases and aim for varied sentence structures to maintain reader engagement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps signal the reader of the thoughtfully structured argument.
task achievement
The writer has presented a stance and supported it with reasoning, which shows a commendable effort to engage with the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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