IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing , are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In light of the proliferation of education quality,
art
Use synonyms
 is an
inseperatable
Correct your spelling
inseparable
subject
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 for the enhancement of children,
therefore
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, it must be considered as a compulsory
subject
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 in high schools.
However
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,
this
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writter
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writer
contending
Wrong verb form
contends
show examples
art
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 is a talented
subject
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 which
require
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requires
show examples
 immersion and should be optional. It is vital to understand that
art
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 requires talent which not everyone can fulfill. In
other word
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another word
other words
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, painting and drawing are specific subjects which
is
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are
show examples
substially
Correct your spelling
substantially
 hard to approach without initial knowledge and skills. By implementing it as
main
Add an article
the main
a main
show examples
subject
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 in schools, it may waste time and effort to do those things which they are not good at ,
therefore
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, they can utilize their materials to concentrate on other subjects
instead
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.
For instance
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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BBC records showed that 76% of a particular
highschool
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high school
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 in the US skipped the
art
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 lesson
due to
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complex
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the complex
show examples
 curriculum and
cost
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the cost
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 majority of
time
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the time
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 to acquire
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 score.
Furthermore
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, there is no doubt that
this
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 field
need
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needs
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long
Correct article usage
a long
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 period and passion to master. A
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 artist must show initial interest in his
likelichildhood
Correct your spelling
like childhood
 to be successful. If individuals are not dedicated
in
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to
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this
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subject
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, they will lose their interest soon and cannot construe their career.
Thus
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,
art
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 should be optional to reduce the risk of being unemployed.
Not withstanding
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Notwithstanding
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 the drawbacks, it prompts students
developing
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to develop
show examples
 their potential
ability
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abilities
show examples
. It must be acknowledged that
art
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 is a conceptual
subject
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 which can let
learns
Replace the word
learners
show examples
 show creativity and patience.
Moreover
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, it can
also
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 be a lesson to relax and immerse in artistry products . Despite those benefits, other subjects not arr can
also
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 prompt
students
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students'
student's
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 imagination
such
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 as geometry and they have realistic usage in
further
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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. In conclusion,
art
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 may bring several advantages for educators but it should be optional
due to
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 high
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 and talent .
Hence
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,
art
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 should not be evaluated as
a
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an
show examples
 essential
subject
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 in secondary or higher
level
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levels
show examples
 of education.

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Grammar and Spelling
Ensure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical mistakes. Some words, like 'inseperatable' and 'proffesional,' are misspelled, and others, like 'likelichildhood,' don't convey the intended meaning clearly.
Content Development
Develop your ideas and arguments more clearly and comprehensively. Some points, such as the complexity of art curricula and its time consumption, should be further elaborated with more relevant examples and explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs and sentences to enhance the essay's flow. Use more linking phrases to create a smoother transition from one point to the next.
Position
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, arguing that art should be optional in high schools due to its complexity and the talent required.
Supported Arguments
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the BBC record about the high school in the US, to support the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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