Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that high schools should impose
art
-based
subjects
as major
subjects
because of
positive
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their positive
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effects on
child's
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a child's
show examples
development.
While
there may be certain
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
against
this
suggestion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
still wholeheartedly agree with it for several reasons. Opponents of
this
view may have several arguments. They
well
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will
show examples
argue that
art
classes
deprive
students
of
concertration
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concentration
concentrations
toward
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on
show examples
science-based
subjects
, leading
bad
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to bad
show examples
results
of
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in
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education. The reason for
this
is when
students
attend these artistic
subjects
such
as drawing and painting, they
would be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
inclined to spend more time on these types of
practises
Replace the word
practices
show examples
.
Therefore
, putting more effort
on
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into
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producing excellent outcomes based on
art
classes
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes teenagers
are
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apply
show examples
likely to be less
focus
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focused
show examples
on other ones.
Nevertheless
,
this
is true in
few
Correct article usage
a few
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cases because of the fact that unless there
are
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is
show examples
a majority of
artistic-thinking
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artistic thinking
show examples
of children, they can allocate devotion and perseverance on each
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
appropriately. The US,
for example
, where most of
science
Add an article
the science
show examples
champions
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
come from has a vibrant school
schedules
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schedule
show examples
with
host
Add an article
a host
show examples
of
art
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lessons
lesssons
Correct your spelling
lessons
However
, I still firmly agree that
art
-based
subjects
should be adopted as main courses in high educational institutions for several reasons. Chief among these is that
art
lessons can actually
enhence
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enhance
children's cognitive thinking in certain respects.
In deed
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Indeed
show examples
, drawing,
singing
Correct word choice
and singing
show examples
require
students
some
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to some
show examples
specific skills, which could encourage teenagers to explore themselves more in a deep way.
As a result
, by being free in their own passion, children could provide more creative works impressively. Concerning the second beneficial suspect,
students
can deter from negative effects on their mental health.
This
is because more
students
are suffering
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
hetic
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hectic
schedules, resulting in stress and peer pressure, and by
participate
Change the form of the verb
participating
show examples
in
art
classes
,
students
would
be hone
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hone
show examples
practical skills rather than learning academic theories most of the time.
Therefore
, less pressure
were
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was
show examples
put on them
in
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during
show examples
schooling
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the schooling
show examples
period. In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that headers should not take
art
classes
as main courses.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
still strongly agree with
this
statement given the mentioned reasons.
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Work on your grammar and punctuation. There are several grammatical errors and some punctuation issues that slightly affect the clarity of your points.
examples
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will not only strengthen your points but also make your essay more convincing.
coherence
Improve the transitions between paragraphs. This will enhance the overall flow and coherence of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
structure
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarize your viewpoint effectively.
logical structure
You organized your essay logically and maintained a consistent argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your points about the benefits of art classes in enhancing cognitive thinking and mental health are well addressed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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