Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that high schools should impose
art
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-based
subjects
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as major
subjects
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because of
positive
Correct pronoun usage
their positive
show examples
effects on
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
development.
While
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there may be certain
argument
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arguments
show examples
against
this
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suggestion,
i
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I
show examples
still wholeheartedly agree with it for several reasons. Opponents of
this
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view may have several arguments. They
well
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will
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argue that
art
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classes
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deprive
students
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of
concertration
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concentration
concentrations
toward
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on
show examples
science-based
subjects
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, leading
bad
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to bad
show examples
results
of
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in
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education. The reason for
this
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is when
students
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attend these artistic
subjects
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such
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as drawing and painting, they
would be
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are
show examples
inclined to spend more time on these types of
practises
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practices
show examples
.
Therefore
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, putting more effort
on
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into
show examples
producing excellent outcomes based on
art
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classes
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which
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apply
show examples
makes teenagers
are
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apply
show examples
likely to be less
focus
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focused
show examples
on other ones.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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is true in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
cases because of the fact that unless there
are
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is
show examples
a majority of
artistic-thinking
Correct your spelling
artistic thinking
show examples
of children, they can allocate devotion and perseverance on each
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subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
appropriately. The US,
for example
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, where most of
science
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the science
show examples
champions
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
come from has a vibrant school
schedules
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schedule
show examples
with
host
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a host
show examples
of
art
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Correct your spelling
lessons
lesssons
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lessons
However
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, I still firmly agree that
art
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-based
subjects
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should be adopted as main courses in high educational institutions for several reasons. Chief among these is that
art
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lessons can actually
enhence
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enhance
children's cognitive thinking in certain respects.
In deed
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Indeed
show examples
, drawing,
singing
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and singing
show examples
require
students
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some
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to some
show examples
specific skills, which could encourage teenagers to explore themselves more in a deep way.
As a result
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, by being free in their own passion, children could provide more creative works impressively. Concerning the second beneficial suspect,
students
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can deter from negative effects on their mental health.
This
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is because more
students
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are suffering
their
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from their
show examples
hetic
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hectic
schedules, resulting in stress and peer pressure, and by
participate
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participating
show examples
in
art
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classes
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,
students
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would
be hone
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hone
show examples
practical skills rather than learning academic theories most of the time.
Therefore
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, less pressure
were
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was
show examples
put on them
in
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during
show examples
schooling
Correct article usage
the schooling
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period. In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that headers should not take
art
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classes
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as main courses.
However
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,
i
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I
show examples
still strongly agree with
this
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statement given the mentioned reasons.
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grammar
Work on your grammar and punctuation. There are several grammatical errors and some punctuation issues that slightly affect the clarity of your points.
examples
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will not only strengthen your points but also make your essay more convincing.
coherence
Improve the transitions between paragraphs. This will enhance the overall flow and coherence of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
structure
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarize your viewpoint effectively.
logical structure
You organized your essay logically and maintained a consistent argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your points about the benefits of art classes in enhancing cognitive thinking and mental health are well addressed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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