IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Art classes such as painting and drawing are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree on disagree ?

#art #classes #child #development #subjects #schools
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In light of the proliferation of education quality,
art
 courses
such
 as drawing and painting are as vital to developing children as remaining
subjects
, so it is necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 schools.
This
 writer believes that an increase in
creativity
 and reducing stress outweigh better knowledge. It must be understood that
art
 helps develop
creativity
. Unlike other
subjects
,
art
 has no recipe or specific rule to follow;
therefore
, students can learn different things and try various ways.
As a result
, their imagination or
creativity
 will expand, making it easier to solve their problems. Another point worth considering is that drawing or painting pictures can help reduce stress and depression. During these courses, children can express themselves through pictures and painting. Showing all their emotions and feelings that they never share with others can help them feel more positive and relaxed. Scientists showed that kids who participate in
arts
Change the noun form
art
show examples
 classes are more likely to show happiness than those who do not. Few individuals still think that students spend time drawing, so they will not have time to study
subjects
 like math or physics that will help them in the future.
This
 might be true, but students who have a positive attitude and are creative will do better in school and be smarter. It
also
 helps them get away with depression and reduces their suicidal chances. In conclusion, improving
creativity
 and an optimistic manner outweigh lacking other
subjects
' knowledge.
Therefore
,
art
 should be taught in schools.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, but could benefit from a clearer introduction to outline the main arguments. Additionally, ensure that you link your arguments back to the overall question more explicitly.
task achievement
While your response is quite comprehensive, providing more specific examples and elaborating on them in greater detail would strengthen your argument. Adding statistical data or case studies could help in making the points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your main points are supported with logical arguments, contributing to overall coherence.
task achievement
You addressed the task well by discussing both the importance of art courses and counterarguments. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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