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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the income and expenditure of Harckley Hall, a public place for hiring over the period of three years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the income and expenditure of Harckley Hall, a public place for hiring over the period of three years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#income #expenditure #harckley #hall #place #period #three #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given table illustrates the earnings and
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 of a public place named Harckey
hall
Capitalize word
Hall
show examples
 for hiring for 3 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that total the
income
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased by the third
year
Use synonyms
 and the expenditure has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased. In the first
year
Use synonyms
, the
income
Use synonyms
 of
hiring
Correct article usage
the hiring
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 room is 33000
euros
Use synonyms
, and
than
Replace the word
then
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 it has been increased a bit to 32000
euros
Use synonyms
 by the third
year
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, the cafe
income
Use synonyms
 is 3000
euros
Use synonyms
, but
than
Replace the word
then
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 it has been increased by 2000
euros
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 3.
Moreover
Linking Words
, funding from
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 council is consistent for the first 2 years and is 20,000
euros
Use synonyms
;
whereas
Linking Words
, it has been decreased to 15,000 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 3.
In addition
Linking Words
, funding from other bodies has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slipped by 2000
euros
Use synonyms
 over the passage of time and comes to 20,000 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 2 and
year
Use synonyms
 3, so the total
income
Use synonyms
 from all the sources has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased and is 71000
euros
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 3, which was 75000
euros
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1;
whereas
Linking Words
; the expenditure has been increased from 66000
euros
Use synonyms
 to 71,000
euros
Use synonyms
 , and
this
Linking Words
 makes
income
Use synonyms
 and expenditure exactly to the same amount.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the profit has
been plummeted
Change to the active voice
plummeted
show examples
 to 1000
euros
Use synonyms
 from 9000
euros
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 3.
Submitted by harleenarora620 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, year, euros with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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