Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

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this

Linking Words

world,

crime

Use synonyms

is on the rise, experiments show, that criminals will have criminal

children

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many believe that, it passes through genetics

while

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others including me, disagree with it. To begin, a lot of crimes aren't worth to go jail and low levels of law can be exchanged for debt penalties ,

for instance

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, the government needs to take control of

crime

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penalties. If

people

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break an ordinary law,

this

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person

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to pay the community

also

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, prison is not too bad a place because

people

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can learn new things from prison

for example

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, there is special time allocated for offenders to read new books and learn knowledge. In Prison

people

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are able to learn and make new friends

furthermore

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people

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here are friendly ,

however

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, there is a variety of disadvantages to it.

Secondly

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, many scientific studies show that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the behaviour of

children

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passed through by blood and

crime

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can be determined by genetics as a matter of fact, 70% per cent of criminals' parents are

also

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offenders

whereas

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, the young generation learns everything from their parents.

People

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who did a

crime

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always say that, if they didn't make a mistake there, they would have done

this

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successfully, so their

children

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think they won't be caught next time.

To sum up

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, I assume that, the government needs to take control of evil, as

crime

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rates skyrocketed in many countries. It can be fixed at the early age of

children

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by schools and kindergartens, it would be useful. I believe it will if it is true.

xalilovamirxon6Fri Jan 24 2025

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General

Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly express your position and the key points you will discuss regarding genetics and crime.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize your ideas more cohesively. Group similar ideas in the same paragraph and use clear transitions to guide readers through your argument. This will enhance logical flow.

Task Response

Make sure to clearly distinguish between your opinion and that of researchers or the opposition, as it will help clarify your stance.

Task Response

Develop each point with more specific examples and evidence. This will strengthen your ideas and make your argument more convincing.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have successfully included an introduction and conclusion, providing a clear start and end point for your argument.

Task Achievement

Your essay covers the main aspects of the task, explaining both sides of the argument regarding genetics and crime.

Task Achievement

You attempt to provide a nuanced view by including multiple perspectives on the relation between genetics and crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

257 words

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Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

Fully explain your ideas

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and solution of this disturbing trend.

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress because what matters is quality of their work. To some extent are you agree or disagree?

Many people nowadays change career more frequently than ever before while others stick to a single job. What are the advantages and disadvantages of changing career?

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine in your letter Explain what you like about the cafeteria Say what is wrong with it Suggest how it could be improved

Nowadays young people prefer to move to big cities, older people, however are the opposite and prefer to live in the countryside. What are the positives and negatives of this trend?