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In the past people used to travel abroed to liik for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Do the adventages outweight disadventages?

#people #travel #liik #differences #home #country #cities #world #adventages #outweight #disadventages
By
millennium
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the millennium
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, people used to travel in order to compare their hometowns with foreign
countries
. Today they will not be able to do it with the same aim, since monopolies become similar.It
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 wrong
due to
 the
globalization
 and social networking system.
Althought therer
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Although there
 are
couple
Add an article
a couple
show examples
 of
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
 them. The main cons is that
countries
 are losing their own aesthetic sides at all. The main reason of
this
 challenge is the international
globalization
. In order to be equal in all general aspects
such
 as economy, commerce and level of life nations have decided to keep with
this
 strategy.
In addition
, by watching the lifestyle of others through networks, inhabitants of each country tend to copy their quality of life.
For example
, in Uzbekistan, youth try to keep with Korean adults’ view on life
as well as
 older who want to have similar technology growth and economy as Korea.
In other words
, there is an aim among all governments to have both similar and equal influence.
Therefore
,
globalization
 and social networks have contributed us to being similar. Regarding to cons, there are some which will
damage
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 special atmosphere of the country. There will not be colouring between
countries
 , which used to be curiosity for everyone. It will
damage
 tourism, which is the main income in most
countries
such
 as the USA.
Moreover
, they will forget about themselves as a nation with their custom and religion.
For instance
: South American
countries
 have lost 20 per cent of their tourist, since they developed
as well as
 America,which means that they do not have their festivals and things like
this
.
being
Capitalize word
Being
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correctly
Replace the adverb
correct
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, all
disadventages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantaged
 are able to
damage
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some monopolies'
asspects
Correct your spelling
aspects
.
Therefore
, If we do not stop it,
countries
 will lose their own traditions. In conclusion ,
although
 it will lead us to
globalization
 ,it will
damage
 on nation's culture and percentage of tourists.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your essay attempts to address the task and presents a stance, but it lacks depth and thoroughness in its arguments. Aim to fully develop your ideas with more specific examples and explanations to improve the Task Response.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Some ideas appear unconnected or underexplained. Consider using more linking words and phrases to ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next for better Coherence and Cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each of your main points is well-supported with relevant examples. Strengthen the arguments against globalization and include more concrete instances where possible.
task achievement
You've successfully identified and introduced the main issues surrounding globalization and cultural homogenization.
coherence cohesion
The essay does have a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a defined structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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