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Band 5.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in cities Discuss bth views and give your own opinions

#people #lifestyle #countryside #health #cities #bth
Some people consider the best way to lead a healthy lifestyle is by living in the countryside,
whereas
 others prefer
life
 in cities as more beneficial. In my opinion,
life
 in the
city
 allows a better chance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 staying healthy. On the
one
 hand, a number of people hold
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opinion that
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 is better for
one
's health.
Initially
,
due to
 its environment: fresh air,
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
 food and herbs - everything
natural
Add a missing verb
is natural
show examples
 and ecological. The location away from the
city
 provides fresh air and reduces the level of pollution,
hence
 the
person
 has
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 risk of getting ill.
The products
Correct article usage
Products
show examples
 like cheese, milk,
different
Correct word choice
and different
show examples
 kinds of vegetables and fruits set the stage for the production of
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
 meals, so better nutrition. I think living there improves
one
's immune system;
however
, the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 a countryside requires daily is significant, which
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, will take a great toll on the
person
's physical state in the future. Looking at the other point of view, people consider
life
 in the
city
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to be more beneficial
due to
 the vast access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 medical
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
. Nowadays, a lot of
illneses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
illness
 are being discovered. Partially, it is
due to
fact
Correct article usage
the fact
show examples
, that back in the day the subject of medicine as a science was not as well developed as it is today,
thus
 many
sickneses
Correct your spelling
sickness
sicknesses
 had already existed
then
, but no
one
 knew how they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be treated. These days, a
person
 with some serious health problem has more chances of getting help and healing, compared to
then
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
. The
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine development provides
reassurement
Correct your spelling
measurement
measurements
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, so it seems better for them to live in the
city
, in my opinion.  In conclusion,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
country
life
 can improve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
person
's well-being, the chances of worsening health conditions are greater too, because of the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and effort
this
 lifestyle requires. That being said, living in the
city
 appears to be
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
satble
Correct your spelling
stable
 and safer option.
Submitted by katenok200312 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on some of the points made. For example, provide specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate the benefits of medical resources in cities.
task achievement
Make sure to address any potential counterarguments to strengthen your position. For example, discuss potential drawbacks of city living beyond just pollution.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between your points to make the essay read more smoothly. Using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' and 'Therefore,' can make the text flow better.
structure
Your essay structure is effective, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You did well to cover both sides of the argument, which helps in presenting a balanced view on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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