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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in an European country bbetween 1979 and 2004

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in an European country bbetween 1979 and 2004
#consumption #fish #kinds #meat #european #country #bbetween
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The rate of average weekly
consumption
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 of fish and other types of meat by individuals from 1997 to 2004 in
an
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a
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Euroupean
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European
 country
in
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is
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 illustrated in the line
graph
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.
overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
consumption
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 of
beef
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 has experienced the most changes
in contrast
Linking Words
 to fish which experienced a roughly constant figure. Broadly speaking, throughout
this
Linking Words
 25-year period,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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meat
consumption
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 showed a
dereasing
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decreasing
 pattern with
chicken
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beingg
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being
 an
exceptiion
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exception
 with a gradual growth to a peak in 2004. There is
also
Linking Words
 a
parallal
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parallel
 fall between the
ussage og
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usage of
 lamb and
Beef
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 reaching 100 and 150 od grams of weekly
consumption
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 by the end of the
graph
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 respectively. Looking into detail,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the average use of
chicken
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 has crossed other types of meat
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 two points of the
graph
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. The first
being
Wrong verb form
was
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 in 1979 when
chicken
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 and lamb had an equal usage of 150 grams and the other in 1989 when the
consumption
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 rate of
chivken
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chicken
chickens
 meets the rate of
beef
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 at 200 grams, right
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 point of the
graph
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chicken
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 and
beef
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 share a short period of almost equal rates with slight differences.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, graph, beef, chicken with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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