Government spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention' . Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with closer to home. Do you agree or disagree?
#government #millions #dollars #year #space #programmes #focus #scientists #attention #people #money #home
Government spending on
space
programmes like Mars,
has generated debate about the shift of financial resources. Remove the comma
apply
While
Mars exploring
represents scientific intrigue and potential long-term benefits, I believe that Replace the word
exploration
this
significant funds are better spent on more critical problems on Change the determiner
these
the
Earth.
Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, many countries face pressing social and economic problems, such
as homeless people, health care programs and poor education systems. Directing money to these areas could significantly improve the quality of life for millions of people. For example
, investment in health infrastructure can prevent illness and improve public health levels. Likewise
, better education systems can help create a more knowledgeable and productive working class.
Secondly
, environmental problems such
as climate change, pollution and natural disasters require urgent attention. Money spent on Mars missions could be redirected to developing stable energy solutions, improving waste management systems, and funding climate change mitigation research. These actions would have a direct and positive impact on the planet where people live now and provide a better future for generations to come.
Moreover
, the economic cases also
wins
if choose between Change the verb form
win
of
Earth and Mars. Investments in local industry, infrastructure and innovation can create jobs, stimulate economic growth and improve national wealth. The return on Change preposition
apply
such
investments is more visible compared to the long-term focus of space
programmes.
In conclusion, while
space
research including missions to Mars has benefits, urgent needs on Earth require more attention and funding. Solving social, economic and environmental issue
must be prioritised to ensure a stable future for all. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
Redirect
funds from Wrong verb form
Redirecting
space
programmes to areas is a more practical and beneficial approach in the current global context.Submitted by vladislavikonnikov112 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well by discussing both sides and presenting a clear opinion. However, you could strengthen your arguments by including more data or specific studies that support your views.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Though your essay is generally coherent, using transitional words and phrases like 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' and 'For instance' can improve the flow.
language
Your essay could benefit from a more varied sentence structure and richer vocabulary to improve readability and engagement. Try incorporating more complex sentences and synonyms.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue, which is well-supported with reasons and examples.
coherence cohesion
You successfully presented a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points and stance, framing your essay well.
task achievement
Your points are relevant and logical, particularly when discussing the importance of investing in local industry and infrastructure as compared to space exploration.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.