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Band 6.5

The graph below give in formation about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040

The graph below give in formation about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of urban citizens’
population
Use synonyms
 in four Asian countries between 1970 and 2020, with expectations for 2030 and 2040. There are Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia. One notable thing is that the
population
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 of Malaysia skyrocketed over
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 time period. It increased from 30% to 75% between 1970 and 2020. It is
also
Linking Words
 expected to
increase
Use synonyms
 in 2030 and 2040.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, Indonesia showed a significant
increase
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 in
population
Use synonyms
, reaching 55% in 2020. It is
also
Linking Words
 easy to observe that
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, which had the highest percentage of the
population
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 at the beginning of the period, started to decline from 1990 to 2010, with figures of 50% and 43%, respectively. It
begined
Correct your spelling
began
show examples
 to
increase
Use synonyms
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2020 and it is expected to grow slowly in 2030 and 2040 as well.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Indonesia had the lowest
population
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 in 2020, but it will surge dramatically
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2030, with a figure of 35%.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data clearly shows that all four countries experienced an
increase
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the urban citizens’
population
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 from 1970 to 2020 and they will
also
Linking Words
 show an
increase
Use synonyms
 in 2030 and 2040.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 6 times.
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