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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Art Classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#art #classes #child #development #subjects #schools
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Some individuals have the belief that studying arts can help children develop as fully as when they learn other subjects. Meanwhile, the majority of people think that those
art
 classes are unnecessary so they should be optional in colleges.
This
 writer party agrees with those views and will demonstrate the reasons below. First of all, it can be acknowledged that learning artistic skills can benefit young generations. Those
such
 as drawing or painting not only help students acquire knowledge about colours, skeletons and even deeper insights into the beauty of the world outside, but they can boost teenagers’ creativity and IQ scores as they mostly use their imagination to draw and design. In
this
 way, young adults can develop themselves day by day when taking part in
art
 courses, even more than studying science.
That is
 why some schools in Asian countries add
art
 lessons as compulsory in students’ studying
schedulea
Correct your spelling
schedule
.
However
, there is another point of view that should be mentioned is that those
art
-making activities are not that advantageous.
This
 is partly because the world is demanding careers that relate to scientific fields rather than artistic aspects. Science and technology are becoming more and more powerful and necessary in citizens’ lives,
hence
, studying physics or chemistry is extremely crucial for students to be employed easily and to receive
high-paid
Correct your spelling
high-paying
show examples
 jobs in the future.
As a result
, some private schools that want their learners to focus entirely on science subjects now cut all the
art
 lessons and replace them with chemistry and physics periods. Taking everything into account,
although
 it is true that
art
 classes are useful for children’s development, the scientific demands of society are
also
 considerable, but after all, we cannot completely disregard
art
 as unimportant in
this
 modern world.

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, you should provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to support your points more convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your introduction and conclusion to make them more compelling and cohesive. For the conclusion, ensure it effectively summarizes your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve overall coherence. This will help in guiding the reader through your argument smoothly.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by presenting arguments for and against the importance of art classes. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are clearly identified and organized logically within your essay.
overall language usage
Your vocabulary and sentence structures demonstrate a competent grasp of English, suitable for this level.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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