Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people hold the view that a daily learning schedule is offered for youngsters before they are 18 years old. As far as there are some arguments about
this
statement, I wholeheartedly disagree with that assertion because of a range of reasons.
First and foremost, descendants nowadays have to struggle with an enormous amount of knowledge and soft skills which human beings have collected for a long time. Such
impossibly memorable information can make a youth's mind blown
up, resulting in the boredom of learning. Verb problem
apply
For instance
, researchers assert that learners might be harmfully unconscious if they force themselves to try to gain knowledge in
a long period, which stems from a prolonged time of full-time education.
Change preposition
over
Secondly
, learning all day long can limit offspring’s break which is absolutely crucial to let them recharge their energy. This
kind of curriculum may not only harm youngsters’ physical and mental health, but it also
can not stimulate their studying efficiency, causing time-consuming without any purposes or benefits. A simple example is the schedule of Vietnamese students which are
filled with 12-hour-a-day learning time and 50-minute breaks, leading to a serious destruction in health maintenance.
Notwithstanding, many people support that assertion due to the development of society, which means that Correct subject-verb agreement
is
this
method can produce intellectual warriors to contribute to their nation. But it can be maintained in the short term since the “warriors” could be exhausted by the overload of information and skills.
In conclusion, there is an assertion that the young generation should attend a full-time learning schedule so as to guarantee their future. I firmly disagree with that statement due to
finding it hard and boring to remember a huge amount of information and the limitations of teenagers.Submitted by alicema0503 on
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task achievement
Your overall response is clear and you attempt to fully address the prompt. However, you should consider making your main points more explicit and focused to improve clarity and coherence. For example, clearly stating each argument in the topic sentences of your body paragraphs will help the reader follow your points more easily.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is logically developed. Some of your arguments and examples need more elaboration to fully support the points you are making. Try to expand on your ideas to provide more depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow. Using linking words and phrases like 'moreover', 'furthermore', and 'however' can help with the smooth progression of your points.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument nicely. Good job in summarizing your points at the end.
relevant specific examples
The use of specific examples, such as the Vietnamese students' schedule, provides concrete evidence to support your arguments. This helps illustrate your points more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.