The debate exists on whether young people should have the freedom to select their own profession or if they should adopt a pragmatic approach, considering their future more seriously. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
believe that teenagers should be able to choose freely their future
profession, while
others consider a pragmatic approach make
youngster's outlook on Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
future
more responsible. In my opinion, having the freedom to choose is the best way for pupils to follow their dreams.
On the one hand, a number of Correct article usage
the future
people
believe that children should choose a
career path they want. Because, essentially, if a person selects the Correct article usage
the
job
he wants to major in, he will have more chances in
finding his passion. Change preposition
of
Furthermore
, a career that brings joy and fullfillment
makes life immensely easier; it Correct your spelling
fulfilment
is setting
Wrong verb form
sets
a
stage for Correct article usage
the
the
Correct article usage
apply
future
job
prospects. In addition
, an employee who is truly passionate about the work
he is doing,
always has high Remove the comma
apply
work
performance. For instance
, according to
some research, behind companies who has
high efficiency and great Correct subject-verb agreement
have
work
performance stand workers who love what they are doing.
Looking at the other point of view, some consider pragmatic
approach to be the key Add an article
a pragmatic
the pragmatic
in
taking one's Change preposition
to
future
more seriously. Basically, knowing the job
market and the vital criterias
like Correct your spelling
criteria
stable
income, Add an article
a stable
future
prospects in Correct word choice
and future
this
job
, can easily identify the exact proffession
the person needs to select. Correct your spelling
profession
In other words
, it should not matter what the other likes or dislikes, as long as he has a career that feeds him he made a
right choice. Stability, safety, Correct article usage
the
constant
income - Correct word choice
and constant
factors
that Add a missing verb
are factors
people
tend to put before their preferances
. Correct your spelling
preferences
For example
, many people
, especially millennials, are not satisfied with their work
, but too afraid to quit, because for them it is better to be safe than try to get out of their comfort zone. Meanwhile, todays
generation Change to a genitive case
today's
- zoomers
Correct your spelling
of Zoomers
tend
to try many different jobsCorrect subject-verb agreement
tends
,
before they find the right one.
In conclusion, I think even though a pragmatic approach can help the person Remove the comma
apply
with choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
Correct article usage
a more
more
stabilized and safe Correct article usage
a more
Correct your spelling
profession
proffession
, it will Correct your spelling
profession
Rephrase
not
no
satisfy them in the end, which can lead to Correct your spelling
not
Correct article usage
a
the
Correct article usage
a
future
with no happiness.Submitted by katenok200312 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task, presenting both viewpoints and providing an opinion. However, it could benefit from a clearer and more detailed exploration of each perspective.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but at times, the wording can be improved for better clarity. Try to refine your sentences to convey your points more precisely.
task achievement
Use specific, relevant examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs are well-developed and logically connected. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and the transition between paragraphs should be smooth.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes well, but aim to make your conclusion more impactful by summarizing your key points succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by using more cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, furthermore, in addition). This will enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and balanced discussion of both viewpoints regarding young people's career choices.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and appropriately frame your discussion.
task achievement
The essay contains some effective examples, although more specific and varied examples would further strengthen the argument.