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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think a rise in the standard of living in a country only seems to benefit cities more than rural areas. What problems may those differences cause? How to reduce this problem?

#people #rise #country #benefit #cities #areas #differences
Some people believe that
cities
 area acquire many advantages from a rise in the standard of living more than rural
areas
 which causes many problems that affect
dwellers
 in rural
areas
 directly. In
this
 essay, both problems and solutions of
this
 matter will be outlined before reaching a conclusion.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that the public in the main
cities
 has got tons of benefits from an increase in the standard of living.
This
 leads to city
dwellers
 getting a better quality of life and living a vastly different lifestyle compared to people who live in the countryside.
For example
, individuals in major
cities
 always live luxurious and lavish lifestyles, get stable occupations and have convenient transport systems.
On the other hand
, the local population who live in countries mostly live in small huts with their families, are unemployed and travel on foot for long distances to find places to apply for jobs.
Secondly
, there are several solutions that both the governments and city
dwellers
 can prompt in order to tackle
this
 problem. In the first place, authorities should expand the transport routes outside the capitals and incentivise companies to set up in the countryside.
Thus
, locals in the countryside are able to apply for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in those new organisations.
Moreover
, people in
cities
 should go on holiday trips to rural
areas
 and spend their money on local restaurants or facilities, which in turn, boosts local incomes and revenues.
Overall
,
although
 rural
areas
 are exacerbated by the growing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living standards in the
cities
 directly, both the governments and city
dwellers
 can collaborate in order to ease and alleviate
this
 matter together, re-balancing the life of capitals and countries again.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task response
Try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For example, provide concrete instances of how rural areas suffer from lack of development or how expanding transport routes can benefit rural residents. This will make your arguments more compelling and well-supported.
coherence cohesion
Strive for more seamless and logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help maintain the flow and make it easier for readers to follow your argument. For instance, you could better illustrate the connection between the rise in living standards and the resulting problems in rural areas.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to improve the overall readability and style of your essay. This can make your writing more engaging and less repetitive. Additionally, ensure that your vocabulary and grammar are accurate to avoid minor errors, which can detract from the overall quality of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic and provides a clear thesis that both problems and solutions will be explored.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the points made and offers a solution that involves collaboration between governments and city dwellers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • urban overpopulation
  • migration
  • social inequality
  • access to services
  • quality of life
  • rural labor force
  • alienation
  • resentment
  • cultural erosion
  • investment
  • skilled labor
  • traditional cultures
  • technological gap
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