Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In
the
recent years, various technological applications have been used to put Correct article usage
apply
people
under surveillance through mobile phones and cameras without their awareness. In my opinion, these measures bring about more negative impacts than positive ones.
The first thing to consider regarding monitoring people
using digital devices is that it goes against our civilization. Every living person has the right to keep their images private and live a free life without being supervised against their wills
. Historical events Fix the agreement mistake
will
haven
proven that mankind Correct your spelling
have
is
fighting for their freedom of speech and actions for several decades, and Wrong verb form
has been
by
controlling what Change preposition
apply
people
say or do by recording would set our sociey
back several centuries.
Correct your spelling
society
Moreover
, keeping people
under supervision without their consents
is an act of dictatorship. Certain governments are using it to control the information shared among their citizenry. Fix the agreement mistake
consent
For example
, China has been
heavily controlled the social media platforms available, Unnecessary verb
apply
as well as
restrict all sort
of information published. It serves as Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
Correct article usage
a methods
methods
to keep the Fix the agreement mistake
method
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
unawared
of Correct your spelling
unaware
the
certain situations, and by forbidding their citizen to voice up, the lawmakers can have better control over the community.
In conclusion, technology should not be used to monitor what Correct article usage
apply
people
say and do, especially against their consents
, as it is a violation Fix the agreement mistake
consent
to
their rights and it Change preposition
of
also
disturbs the political transparency in a society.Submitted by kimtruong270192 on
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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the main points by giving additional examples or evidence. For instance, you mentioned China's control over social media, but providing more detailed consequences of this practice can strengthen your argument.
language
Work on grammatical and typographical accuracy. For example, 'sociey' should be 'society,' 'unawared' should be 'unaware,' and 'consents' should be 'consent.' These small errors can make the essay appear less polished.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, consider using more transitional phrases to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This can improve the overall flow and make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Include a counterargument to show that you have considered multiple perspectives. Addressing and refuting a potential opposing view can make your argument more nuanced and compelling.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and your position, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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