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Writing Samples
Band 5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #child #development #subjects #schools
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It has become increasingly prevalent for people to accept
the
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apply
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painting and drawing courses in high
schools
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. Each has its own perks;
thus
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, I partly agree with
this
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 view and discuss the reasons as follows. On the one hand, there are various reasons why I acknowledge that art
classes
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 should be necessary subjects in high
schools
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.
To begin
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 with, it helps
students
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 relieve stress throughout the learning process. Obviously, the natural sciences courses
such
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 as math, physics, and chemistry require
students
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have
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to have
the
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a
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 high concentration.
Therefore
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, these painting and drawing
classes
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 can assist
students
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 relax their
mental
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minds
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.
Besides
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, it
also
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 supports
students
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 to discover their own
passion
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passions
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.
That is
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 because in art courses, they often imagine or remember surrounding sceneries and they will sketch them on the
papers
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paper
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. Through that, they feel more confident and even they can choose it as
a
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apply
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their main job in the future.
On the other hand
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, I
disagee
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disagree
 with
this
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 idea for some following reasons.
Firstly
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, the expenditure of resources from
schools
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 is inevitable.
Schools
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 have to buy tools
such
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 as
color
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coloured
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 pencils,
papers
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paper
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,
and
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etc
....
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...
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This
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create
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creates
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 significant costs for
schools
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. A case in point is high
schools
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 in Vietnam, educational institutions have to expend about 20000 dollars for drawing tools.
Instead
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, they are able to use that money
for improving
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to improve
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 the facilities. What is more, it is not suitable for all
of
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apply
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students
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. Not all
students
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also
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 have a passion and talent for the arts. For them, art
classes
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 can be boring or become useless for their career goals. In conclusion,
although
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 painting and drawing subjects are indispensable and necessary in high
schools
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, these
classes
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are
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apply
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also
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 make
schools
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 waste
of
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apply
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money
about
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on
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 tools and are not suitable for most
of
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apply
show examples
students
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.
Submitted by Hungmap on

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task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which is good for presenting a balanced view. However, make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and conclusion to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and awkward sentences that can make it difficult for the reader to understand your points. Spend time reviewing and editing your essay to make your arguments more coherent and easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This can make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive. For instance, mentioning specific studies or cases where art classes have been beneficial could strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and your stance, providing a clear roadmap for the essay.
logical structure
You have successfully mentioned the potential benefits of art classes as well as some drawbacks, showcasing a balanced viewpoint.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summary is well-done, highlighting the main points discussed in the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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