Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It has become increasingly prevalent for people to accept
the
painting and drawing courses in high Correct article usage
apply
schools
. Each has its own perks; thus
, I partly agree with this
view and discuss the reasons as follows.
On the one hand, there are various reasons why I acknowledge that art classes
should be necessary subjects in high schools
. To begin
with, it helps students
relieve stress throughout the learning process. Obviously, the natural sciences courses such
as math, physics, and chemistry require students
have
to have Unnecessary verb
apply
the
high concentration. Correct article usage
a
Therefore
, these painting and drawing classes
can assist students
relax their mental
. Replace the word
minds
Besides
, it also
supports students
to discover their own passion
. Fix the agreement mistake
passions
That is
because in art courses, they often imagine or remember surrounding sceneries and they will sketch them on the papers
. Through that, they feel more confident and even they can choose it as Fix the agreement mistake
paper
a
their main job in the future.
Remove the article
apply
On the other hand
, I disagee
with Correct your spelling
disagree
this
idea for some following reasons. Firstly
, the expenditure of resources from schools
is inevitable. Schools
have to buy tools such
as color
pencils, Replace the word
coloured
papers
, Fix the agreement mistake
paper
and
etcCorrect word choice
apply
....
Replace the punctuation
...
This
create
significant costs for Change the verb form
creates
schools
. A case in point is high schools
in Vietnam, educational institutions have to expend about 20000 dollars for drawing tools. Instead
, they are able to use that money for improving
the facilities. What is more, it is not suitable for all Change preposition
to improve
of
Change preposition
apply
students
. Not all students
also
have a passion and talent for the arts. For them, art classes
can be boring or become useless for their career goals.
In conclusion, although
painting and drawing subjects are indispensable and necessary in high schools
, these classes
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
also
make schools
waste of
money Change preposition
apply
about
tools and are not suitable for most Change preposition
on
of
Change preposition
apply
students
.Submitted by Hungmap on
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task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which is good for presenting a balanced view. However, make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and conclusion to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and awkward sentences that can make it difficult for the reader to understand your points. Spend time reviewing and editing your essay to make your arguments more coherent and easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This can make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive. For instance, mentioning specific studies or cases where art classes have been beneficial could strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and your stance, providing a clear roadmap for the essay.
logical structure
You have successfully mentioned the potential benefits of art classes as well as some drawbacks, showcasing a balanced viewpoint.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summary is well-done, highlighting the main points discussed in the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.