In most countries，prison is an effective solution for the problem of crime. Some people think a more effective solution is to provide a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree？
It is
unfortune
that in the midst of vast progress in every field of life, there are still many existing crimes and even Correct your spelling
unfortunate
a
growth of juvenile Remove the article
apply
dilinquency
. Some people say stringent punishment and prison are the solutions, Correct your spelling
delinquency
however
, I believe education
is more effective in the long run.
Admittedly, criminals must be brought to justice, nevertheless
, education
as a preventive measure is more beneficail
to reduce crime by addressing root causes Correct your spelling
beneficial
such
as poverty and lack of opportunities. Taking my country as an example, surveys reveal that 40% of the law offenders are from impoverished families, 30% criminals
are illiterate, and only 5% Change preposition
of criminals
receievd
higher Correct your spelling
received
education
. The role of education
is not only important in fostering critical thinking,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
moral reasoning, which may deter individuals from engaging in criminal activities.
In addition
, many crimes were committed at an early age, education
may potentially reform young offenders' values, moreover
, offer alternative pathways and career options, reducing reliance on criminal activity for income. There was a case in Canada, teenage
twin sisters killed their mother for long-term suffering from domestic violence caused by their mother's drug and alcohol addiction. After 10 tears Rephrase
where teenage
Change preposition
of rehabilitatation
rehabilitatation
and studying their interested major in the prison, one became an accountant and another became a lawyer and had their "Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
new born
" lives. Correct your spelling
newborn
Therefore
, education
brings benefits to individuals and the scoiety
.
Correct your spelling
society
To conclude
, education
can be successful not only in preventing the
crimes but Correct article usage
apply
also
reducing
the rate by Change preposition
in reducing
awaken
people's goodness inside and Wrong verb form
awakening
tackle
the root of the problem.Wrong verb form
tackling
Submitted by carriexue23 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen the relevance and impact of your points.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are fully supported with evidence and elaboration. Some arguments lack depth and comprehensive reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs. Use appropriate linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for spelling and grammatical errors to ensure clarity and correctness in your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
You provided a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your position and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
You included both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced and thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and relevant to the topic, demonstrating good comprehension and critical thinking skills.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.