Some people think people working in creative arts should be financially supported by the government. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #arts #government #support #resources

In modern society, the general

people

have shown a significant interest in creative

art

. To develop the

art

industry

, some

people

may have claimed that the

government

should support

artists

financially in the process of creating

art

This

is true;

however

, I

also

believe that

artists

should be supported by other organisations to some degree.

Firstly

, the

government

should invest money in encouraging creative

artists

. Helping them to develop their workplaces, including repairing and installing new

art

-related furniture, or to provide qualified materials seems effective at enhancing the value of the

art

industry

. These efforts attract the public to

art

-related cultures.

For example

, in Korea, after the

government

supported various

artists

and

art

corporations

in establishing

art

exhibitions, they succeeded in appealing to individuals to participate in

art

cultures. I think

such

an investment might be able to increase the profits of both

artists

and the

art

industry

, leading to

societal

Correct article usage

a societal

show examples

harmony atmosphere.

On the other hand

, creative

artists

should be supported by other resources rather than the

government

since the

government

should address more imperative issues in society

such

as education or developing infrastructure.

Also

, I believe organisations which are

expertise

Fix the agreement mistake

experts

show examples

art

will be beneficial to

artists

as those

corporations

which have addressed many issues with other

artists

know effective ways to help

people

Hence

, they can give professional consulting to

artists

Furthermore

, unlike the

government

, having limited finances to help

artists

, other resources will be able to help

artists

sincerely. Public

art

organisations,

for instance

, were established to support the

art

industry

, pursuing discovering sensational creative

artists

and helping

people

to develop their creativity, without any restrictions to help them.

Consequently

, I believe that being supported by other

corporations

has positive effects on

artists

. In conclusion, as compared above, helping

artists

has beneficial impacts on our society,

however

, as a person who puts more value on the creativity of

artists

, I believe other resources should invest vast money to develop the

art

industry

. Not only the

government

and

corporations

but

also

we should keep an eye on

artists

with a lot of encouragement.

Submitted by kchengii on Tue May 21 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument for both sides of the issue, which is excellent. However, you could strengthen your task achievement by providing a bit more depth in your examples and developing your points further. For instance, discuss how exactly other organizations can provide support and why their involvement is crucial.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas are logically sequenced throughout. While you have a good flow, some points could be better connected. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smoother to enhance readability.

task achievement

Consider addressing counterarguments more explicitly to balance the discussion better. For instance, discuss potential downsides of relying solely on non-governmental organizations and how these might be mitigated.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, but could be slightly more engaging to capture and hold the reader’s interest. Perhaps, include a compelling hook or a thought-provoking statement in the beginning.

task achievement

You present clear and comprehensive ideas, and your writing overall indicates a good grasp of the subject matter. Well done!

task achievement

You’ve used relevant and specific examples to support your points, which make your arguments more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Your essay maintains a logical structure, and the main points are well-supported throughout the essay. This contributes to a coherent and cohesive response.

coherence cohesion

Both your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your argument. This helps in providing a clear structure to your essay.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

346 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think people working in creative arts should be financially supported by the government. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

Many people nowadays prefer online shopping. Is it a positive or negative development?

In some countries, children are often told that, they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older should continue to be involved in the workplace. To what extent do you agree or disagree?