Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
think that children
should be punished who commit Add an article
a crime
the crime
crime
, meanwhile, others believe that Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
parents
need to be punished instead
of their children
. Although
,
youths are punished for their Remove the comma
apply
crimes
, parents
are responsible for their kids.
Young people
should not be punished. If they are judged for their crimes
and take punishments
, they might get some psychological traumas. To be more clear, in adolescence period, young Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
people
’s character is naturally nervous, introvert
, and ashamed, and if they are blamed for their mistakes or Replace the word
introverted
crimes
, they do not feel like innocent among their friends. For instance
, a pupil is blamed for low scores from
subjects, and he or she Change preposition
in
Change the verb form
starts
start
regretAdd the particle
start to
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
,
Remove the comma
apply
because
they are disappointed Correct pronoun usage
herself because
for
taking punishment in front of many students. Change preposition
in
As a consequence
, immature people
would have psychological traumas, if they are punished or blamed.
Parents
should answer instead
of their kids. Because parents
are responsible for their children
until they become mature individuals, and they need to provide supplement
, Fix the agreement mistake
supplements
such
as,
home, education, food, and clothes as well. Remove the comma
apply
In addition
, fathers and mothers need to control all actions and efforts, whether they are doing right
things. Correct article usage
the right
For instance
, in Uzbekistan, if a child commits crime
Add an article
a crime
in
Change preposition
at
their
young Change the word
a
ages
, policemen Fix the agreement mistake
age
require
to come and pay bills for their Wrong verb form
are required
children’s
crime, Fix the agreement mistake
child’s
also
they
write appointments Correct pronoun usage
apply
as apologizing
from the local authorities.
Change preposition
to apologize
To sum up
, immature people
should not be blamed for their crimes
, but their parents
need to be responsible, because of their duty on
their Change preposition
to
children
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task response
Your introduction provides a clear outline of the discussion, but ensure clarity in your thesis statement. Try to precisely state your opinion to create a stronger foundation for your essay.
coherence
The essay could benefit from better transitions between ideas. While you have a logical structure, the flow between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Consider adding linking phrases to improve cohesion.
coherence
To enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph clearly supports your overall argument and that the examples used are directly relevant to the point being made. Currently, some examples are not very strongly tied to the arguments.
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and presenting your own opinion, which fulfills the task requirement well.
coherence
The essay is well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, demonstrating good logical structure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?