If you have 1 hour of free time, do you choose to read or exercise?

Nowadays as an
employee
Add a comma
employee,
show examples
we don’t have much
time
to do activities
such
as reading or
exercise
. Both of these activities have benefits for you. Reading a
book
gives you more information and new knowledge. Exercising helps you to lose weight and get a firm body. If I have 1
hour
of free
time
, I will read
books
because of
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
following reasons. Reading helps me to learn more. I can apply the knowledge to my job. The
books
that I want to read in my free
time
are psychological
books
and
novel
books
. A psychological
book
helps me to understand people in my workplace. A
novel
book
makes me enjoy my free
time
. I love to read novels about detectives because the story is very exciting. My
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
novel
is The Davinci Code by Dan Brown.
This
book
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
story about finding the culprit and the secret from history. But sometimes 1
hour
of free
time
is not enough to read. Another Reason that I prefer to read more than
exercise
is it helps me to focus on the story and have
time
for myself
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
me feel happy Exercising is an activity that helps people to be healthy and get a firm body. But I think 1
hour
of free
time
is too long to
exercise
. I cannot refuse that I am a lazy girl to
exercise
because
this
activity makes me fatigued and sweaty. After exercising I take a break for too long. But I think in the future if I gain more weight , I will
exercise
to lose weight.
To sum up
, I prefer to read
books
more than
exercise
because the benefits of
books
give me
knowledge
Change the article
the knowledge
show examples
to discuss with my friends and understand people in my workplace.Another reason is to make me excited when I read a
novel
.
While
exercise
is the best
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
to do
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I think
exercise
Wrong verb form
exercising
show examples
for 1
hour
of my free
time
is too long.
Submitted by papica13 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear point of view on the topic and offers a complete response. However, there could be improvements in the logical flow of ideas. To increase coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
The content contains clear ideas, but there is room for better organization. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that these ideas are connected more effectively.
task achievement
More specific examples and supporting details could strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could provide more insights or personal experiences related to how reading has benefited your job.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies and supports a preference for reading over exercising.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and capture the general theme of the essay well.
task achievement
Your personal touch through mentioning your favorite book adds a nice, engaging touch to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cardiovascular health
  • endorphins
  • anxiety reduction
  • cognitive health
  • intellectual growth
  • physical fitness
  • literary appreciation
  • solitary activity
  • group sports
  • stress reduction
  • focus and concentration
  • mental stimulation
  • social interaction
  • fitness enthusiast
  • lifespan
  • aging healthily
  • overall wellness
  • stress management
  • knowledge acquisition
  • exercise regimen
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