IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Social media is becoming increasingly popular almost all age groups however sharing personal information on social media website does have risk do you think that the advantages of social media overweight disadvantages

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It is often argued that using social
media
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 share personal data on the online website will have a risk. Some
people
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 think it can be
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
,
whereas
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someone
Correct your spelling
some do
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 not. I will show both sides of
this
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 issue. One of the most important advantages is that communication in
online
Add an article
the online
show examples
 world brings in
abundance
Add an article
an abundance
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 of
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and solutions since
people
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 will have a chance to get exposure to a variety of choices, which is beneficial to them when they are introduced into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest research conducted by the students from Bangkok University, it revealed that it become easier for 80% of
people
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 in Thailand who
use
Use synonyms
 Facebook for work
is help
Verb problem
apply
show examples
when they have prior experience of interacting with difficult problems.
This
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 demonstrates that social
media
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 plays a major role in addressing
this
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 issue which eventually will benefit the citizen.
On the other hand
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, it seems to me that social
media
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 is dangerous for
people
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do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
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 not know how to
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use
Correct pronoun usage
use it
show examples
. The significant reason is the fact that the criminals will
use
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 private information
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 rob the money.
This
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 is because a number of
people
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 like to share their personal information. To illustrate
this
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, in recent news, it has been reported that women who
use
Use synonyms
Tinder
Correct article usage
the Tinder
show examples
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
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 tend to lose money
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
scammer
Add an article
a scammer
show examples
 in
everyday
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every day
show examples
.
As a result
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, police cyber have to work on a large number of
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 cases. In conclusion, having considered both sides,
although
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 social
media
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 advantages
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it still
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 disadvantages
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear viewpoint and addresses both sides of the issue, which is commendable. However, the introduction can be more engaging and clearer. Instead of starting with 'It is often argued that,' consider framing your essay with a strong opening statement or question that grabs the reader's attention.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical structure: The essay could benefit from a better flow. Try to use transition words and phrases like 'however,' 'moreover,' 'in addition,' to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Consider including a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines both sides and hints at your conclusion. This will give the essay a stronger focus from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should restate the main points and provide a clear opinion on the topic. Right now, the conclusion is a bit weak and doesn't clearly address whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Great job providing specific examples to support your argument! The reference to the study from Bangkok University and the example about Tinder are particularly effective.
task achievement
Your points are clear and reasonably well-developed; you address both the pros and cons of social media which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
You have a good range of vocabulary and grammar, though some sentences could be clearer with minor adjustments.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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