IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.

#countries #people #products #world
These days there is an increasing similarity among the number of
countries
due to
 the same
products
 being bought worldwide, and view
this
 trend negatively by some
people
. In my opinion,
however
, I strongly agree there is  a positive phenomenon because it is beneficial to human society from an
overall
 aspect. To be able to see the same
products
 anywhere has some negatives for
people
.
Firstly
,
countries
 might lose their own traditional
products
 depending on new and foreign
products
 that might come from different
countries
.
As a result
, the usage of traditional
products
 among the residents will be demolished. Another disadvantage, there might be a decline in the development of
countries
. If the public utilizes more
products
 which belong to foreign
countries
, they will not care to create or manufacture new
productsto
Correct your spelling
products to
products
 improve the residents' lives.
On the other hand
, there are noticeable positives for
this
 circumstance.
Countries
 becoming similar makes our daily life more convenient. We can lose our fear of travelling abroad, and not understanding the
people
's daily lives in other
countries
.
In addition
, we can buy anything we want on the e-commerce platform.
Furthermore
,
people
 are becoming more identical, and they can share their thoughts and notions without any difficulties.
Moreover
, the development of international trade can create more job opportunities, and the multitude of unemployed
people
 can possess their work. In conclusion,
althoughthe
Correct your spelling
although the
 phenomenon of
countries
 does have some drawbacks,  I believe the positives can outweigh the negatives.
Submitted by muxtasar1004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and detailed.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow within paragraphs as well as between them. Sometimes the transitions between ideas are abrupt.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
You respond to the task fully and address both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: