IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, people buy a range of household goods (television, mircowave, oven and rice cookers). Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #range #household #goods #television #mircowave #oven #rice #cookers #development
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In the modern era, most families buy a lot of household appliances for their house to help them with the housework. The writer of
this
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 essay argues with
this
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 notion that it can help
people
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 save a lot of
time
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as well as
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 improve their
knowledge
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 in various fields. It is vital to understand that technological devices can help humans
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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make major career shifts by saving a lot of
time
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. To put it simply, in the foreseeable future,
people
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 will spend money on buying numerous modern gadgets to make a complex and cutting-edge system
aim
Wrong verb form
aimed
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for
Change preposition
at
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do
Verb problem
apply
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not
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
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time
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 on housework.
For instance
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, nowadays, some households have a rice cooker which can cook rice automatically
instead
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 of spending much
time
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 on adjusting temperature.
In addition
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, an oven can help humans with barbecuing meat without being fired. Another reason why families purchase a vast number of household appliances is how
people
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 can receive
knowledge
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 around the world from modern devices.
In other words
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,
people
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 can research how to use the modern gadgets in a correct way.
For example
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, some young children can improve their
knowledge
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 by watching programs on television.
Furthermore
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, some older can relax and entertain themselves by listening to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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music or the news on the radio. In conclusion, spending much money on technological devices
due to
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 their benefits of helping
people
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 reduce waste
time
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 on housework
as well as
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people
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 gain large of
knowledge
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 and entertainment.
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accuracy
Try to avoid small grammatical errors like 'help humans have make...' instead, it should be 'help humans make...'. This can make your argument clearer.
support examples
Strengthen the support for your main points with more specific examples. For instance, mention specific programs children watch on TV to improve knowledge.
cohesion
To improve coherence, try using more transitional phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', or 'On the other hand' to better link your ideas.
conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, reinforcing the essay's main ideas.
coverage
The essay covers the main aspects of the topic by discussing both time-saving and educational benefits of household gadgets.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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