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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
I found it strange for
people
 in Britain to leave their elderly
people
to
Change preposition
in
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 the nursing house.Because in my country elderly
people
ussually
Correct your spelling
usually
 live with their family or on their own .But for
this
 case for me personally
Add a comma
,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think that the government should pay for
this
care
. Because there are many
family
Change to a plural noun
families
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 that are not that wealthy still
struggled
Wrong verb form
struggle
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 to earn money
for
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on
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 their own.
Not to mention
 if the old
people
lives
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live
show examples
 alone without any relatives and for those that can't afford to finance their own lives .But,
instead
 of paying for their
care
i
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I
show examples
 think the best solution is for government to build nursing homes for the elderly
and
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 live
their
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there
show examples
 for free. I know my
last
 statement is very controversial but for those who are still able to do some lightwork activities
properly
Add a comma
properly,
show examples
i
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I
show examples
 think they could volunteer for the society
such
 as teaching
for
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apply
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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, gardening,planting some
vegetable
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vegetables
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 etc.But there are terms and conditions for
this
 nursing house, the old
people
 that live in the government nursing house
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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for those whose family couldn't afford to take
care
 of their elderly
people
 or for those who
lives
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live
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 on their own.But for the families that are rich enough to take
care
for
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of
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 the elderly
people
 I think it's best for them to take the
responbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
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for
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 their elderly
people
. Because
,
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apply
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most of the elderly
people
loves
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love
show examples
 to play or have a talk with their child or their grandchildren plus they can be your free babysitter they will be delighted to take
care
 of your
grandchildre
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
Submitted by yusufakhrimdr on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, make sure to clearly organize your ideas into paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For example, you could separate your introduction, reasons for government-paid care, conditions under which government care should be provided, and situations where the family should take the responsibility.
task achievement
While you provided some reasons, try to explain them more fully and clearly. Adding specific examples or further detailing each point can enhance the richness of your response.
task achievement
You offer a personal perspective and clearly express your opinion that the government should pay for elderly care in certain cases.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to address different aspects of the issue, highlighting both government responsibility and family responsibility.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
What to do next:
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