IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#business #emphasise #products #development
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In recent times, it has become very common business to find different ways to make the
product
Use synonyms
 new in the commercials.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
sell
Replace the word
sales
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 of the
product
Use synonyms
 and
ultimate
Change the word
ultimately
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earn
Wrong verb form
earning
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 more money out of it. I believe it to be a negative development as the people buying it are attracted to buy by not knowing
actual
Correct article usage
the actual
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 downsides of the item. Different
product
Use synonyms
 companies are making more finances by showing famous faces to promote and show only
upsides
Correct article usage
the upsides
show examples
 of the
product
Use synonyms
 to increase the
sell
Replace the word
sales
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
product
Add an article
the product
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.
This
Linking Words
 is done to ultimately make more money out of it.
Although
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, there is nothing new
of
Change preposition
about
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 that
product
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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the business is to repeat the same ads with new ideas. Like
for example
Linking Words
, the company just made a new advertisement with a good
fame
Replace the word
famous
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 celebrity running across various online platforms so that,
by
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apply
show examples
watching the ad again because of
favourite
Correct article usage
the favourite
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 celebrity will make the fans
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
buy the thing without thinking it is actually good for them. The business of selling
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 isn’t a positive growth for our society as individuals just watch the commercial and buy the
product
Use synonyms
. There
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 some cons of
item
Add an article
an item
the item
show examples
 or it is not what a person would prefer but, negligence to
this
Linking Words
 would cause to waste
Correct article usage
an un-necessary
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un-necessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
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 amount of money and time to buy it.
For instance
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, a child sees his favourite chocolate ad which provides you with a free toy inside but the chocolate content is very
minimum
Correct word choice
minimal
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 as compared to other chocolate products.
Hence
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, it is crucial to shop as per our demands and after checking
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons of the item. In conclusion, people should never uplift these fancy commercials which are made for the
product
Use synonyms
 to look new and make companies benefit from it without serving their purpose
to give
Change preposition
of giving
show examples
 required information
of
Change preposition
about
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 the
product
Use synonyms
 to people.
Submitted by nikitanalawade681 on

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task achievement
Try to make your introduction more concise and better connected to your main argument. Be more specific about the reasons businesses focus on new aspects in their ads.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use topic sentences to introduce them. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Try to use more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will help make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure that each point made in your essay is distinct and contributes to your overall argument.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear perspective on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have concluded your essay with a clear summary of your argument, which helps to reinforce your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty
  • excitement
  • latest trends
  • improvements
  • advancements
  • differentiating
  • competitors
  • innovation
  • progress
  • attracting attention
  • generating curiosity
What to do next:
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