What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that is greatest problem faced by humanity?
The continued rise in the world’s
population
is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time and there were different causes of it. Use synonyms
This
essay will clarify the reasons for Linking Words
this
increase.
Linking Words
Global
Correct article usage
The global
population
has grown considerably may be Use synonyms
due to
several factors. The Linking Words
first
Linking Words
,
Add a missing verb
is, falling
falling
mortality rate that imbalance between births and deaths Correct article usage
the falling
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
of
Change preposition
apply
population
growth. The decline Use synonyms
of
death rates can be caused by good knowledge about healthy Change preposition
in
lifestyle
and Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
also
there are more medical facilities, Linking Words
controls
of epidemics. Correct word choice
and controls
The
Correct article usage
Second
second,
fertility rates in developing countries have been changing over the past 21 years. Factors associated with increased fertility are social pressure from kin and friends to have another child Linking Words
or
happiness that people Correct word choice
apply
tending
to want more children, or advanced technology that it makes easier to give birth. Wrong verb form
tend
In addition
, cultural and religious factors Linking Words
also
Linking Words
effect
in increasing Correct your spelling
affect
population
. Use synonyms
Linking Words
At
the end, in my Change the preposition
In
opinion
improvements in healthcare, vaccinations and medical Add the comma(s)
opinion,
Correct your spelling
intervention
intervetions
have reduced the risk of illness and death
Correct your spelling
interventions
intervention
This
growth continues to confront us with many problems. The Linking Words
first,
Linking Words
impacts
on resources ,demand for food, water, energy, Add a missing verb
is impacts
land
like basic needs. The Correct word choice
and land
second,
Linking Words
economic
effects, rising Add a missing verb
is economic
population
can strain public finances, lead to unemployment and exacerbate income inequality. The Use synonyms
third,
rapid Linking Words
population
growth causes urbanization challenges Use synonyms
such
as housing shortages, traffic congestion, air and water pollution and so on. I agree with the idea that people will face Linking Words
this
problem more in the future Linking Words
as
it is now.
Correct word choice
than
To conclude
, Linking Words
due
Linking Words
to
many items, the expansion Change preposition
for
people
poses an urgent problem for the world, they should be educated Change preposition
of people
with
the effects of overpopulation to control the growing Change preposition
about
population
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task, but some points need more clarity and specificity. Consider expanding on how improvements in healthcare and vaccinations have lowered mortality rates with specific examples or data.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and articulation of ideas. Some sentences are lengthy and could be streamlined for easier comprehension.
task achievement
Ensure that each argument is well-supported with relevant and specific examples. For instance, when mentioning economic effects, provide concrete data or real-world scenarios depicting these issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure but slightly lacks seamless transitions between paragraphs. Linking phrases and clearer topic sentences can help improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and fulfill their roles. However, the introduction could be more engaging, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
There is a need for more cohesive devices and better paragraphing to enhance readability. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, and there should be smoother transitions between ideas in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, covering both causes and impacts of population growth.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively reiterates the problem and suggests education as a solution to control population growth.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing the causes and impacts, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay touches on various aspects of population growth, such as healthcare, economic effects, and urbanization issues.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example