IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Directors of large organisations have much higher salary than ordinary employees do. Some people think it's necessary, but others are of the opinion that it's unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#directors #organisations #salary #employees #people
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Leaders who
work
Use synonyms
 in huge associations earn much higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 than other employees. I personally believe that it is both fair and unfair for them to receive higher amounts of
money
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 because they establish a new
company
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 and employees do most of the
work
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 in some professions. On the one hand, it is fair that bosses receive higher amounts of
money
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 than ordinary workers.
This
Linking Words
 is because they first
establish
Wrong verb form
established
show examples
 a new
company
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due to
Linking Words
 their hard
work
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 and patience. Undoubtedly, they are responsible for the success of the
company
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 as directors will run it for a longer time and they do their best in order to expand the
company
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 size,
as well as
Linking Words
 popularity by developing advertisements.
For example
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, filmmakers make the most of
money
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 since they are responsible for the quality of the film and they do the main tasks: opting for the best actors, scenarists and cameramen,
as well as
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 paying for each of them.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
Linking Words
 true that staff should have more
money
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 than managers.
This
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 is just because they
work
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 in a hectic lifestyle and for longer working hours every day. Mostly, they do more physical
work
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 which is really tiring and the same every single day.
For instance
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, builders
work
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 for about 7-9 hours on a daily average which is absolutely terrible for people who
work
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 in offices.
As a consequence
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, they deserve a higher salary than their managers. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay discussed whether bosses should receive higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 or employees do.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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introduction conclusion present
Try to provide a more detailed introduction and conclusion to fully frame your argument. A thesis statement in the introduction could clearly guide the reader through your essay.
supported main points
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed with sufficient examples and explanations to clearly support your points. This will enhance both task achievement and coherence.
logical structure
Strive to balance the arguments more evenly so that both perspectives are equally discussed, which will improve the logical structure of your essay.
complete response
Your essay addresses both views on whether directors should earn more than regular employees, showcasing a well-rounded discussion.
relevant specific examples
The essay presents logical arguments and examples, such as the responsibilities of filmmakers, which help illustrate your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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