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Band 4

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #children #work #people
There are many nations around the world, some
kids
work
 to get cash to
support
 themself and their family, some people totally disagree and consider
this
 as fair towards
kids
, but some others say it provides them with a valuable experience, In my opinion,the ones who
supports
Change the verb form
support
show examples
 families to allow their
kids
 to
work
 because they are poor and can't
support
 them financially and some even can't go to school because they have to go
work
instead
, and I think governments should not allow for
kids
 to go
work
 but
also
support
 them with money to raise
kids
 and allow them to study at school. The ones who totally consider it not right are mostly family
work
 hard to
support
 their
kids
 and give them a chance to learn and get certificates
enable
Fix the infinitive
to enable
show examples
 them to go to university and build their future. For the one who wants to prepare
kids
 for future working culture, they can sign them in a designed program for
kids
 to try and be familiar with the working environment and charity
work
 for a specific time.
To sum up
, some
kids
 are forced to go to
work
 to get paid, and there are
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
show examples
 agree and consider
this
 as a valuable experience,
while
 there are others who see
this
 as completely wrong including me.
Submitted by suliman.kariri on

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introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the introduction should be more coherent and concise to effectively outline the essay’s argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas are relevant to the topic, but the expression could be clearer. Avoid unclear statements and pay attention to grammar and punctuation to improve readability.
relevant specific examples
Try to use specific examples or scenarios to support your points. This will make the argument more compelling and relatable.
logical structure
The logical progression of points can be improved. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will enhance the overall structure of the essay.
complete response
Address counterarguments more thoroughly to show a balanced view. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
balanced view
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion essay.
conclusion summary
The conclusion aptly summarizes the writer's stance and the main points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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