IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

1.As computers are being used more and more in education, there will soon be no role for the teacher in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#computers #education #role #teacher #classroom
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The development of technology in
specialty
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speciality
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computers
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 is nowadays much stronger and faster than in the past few years. So many people believe that teachers will soon be replaced by robots or
computers
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. In my point of view,
while
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 people may vary in opinions, I totally disagree with
this
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.
And
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This
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this
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 essay will shed light on my
option
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opinion
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.
Firstly
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, we cannot deny the widespread
use
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 of
computers
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 in teaching and education because of their convenience. A computer can provide much information and knowledge from everywhere, every time, but
the
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computers
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 do not have any life experiments like humans, so they cannot provide social skills or practical lessons for scholars. Sometimes the
use
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 of
computers
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 in education can lead to
the
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misunderstood children because the automatic transmission is just based on theory.
For example
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, many students are trying to study online through the internet and their
computers
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, but
then
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 they realize that they cannot acquire knowledge as fast as being taught by a schoolmaster, and they
also
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 have to deal with the pervasive information.
Secondly
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,
the
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computers
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 may affect our health if we
use
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 them for a long time. Our eyes can be hurt by looking at the screen for several hours in a row; it may cause headaches and other diseases.
Moreover
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, the small screens limit the way you study, you cannot
use
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 all your senses to learn things.
For instance
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, many scientists found that the “Cathode Ray Tube” screen creates a large amount of harmful electronic stuff that affects our body, especially our brain
,
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while
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 using
computers
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 for a long time.
To conclude
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, I think
computers
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 cannot totally take the place of a coach in a study room, but they can support teachers perfectly in the future.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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task response
To improve your task response, ensure you thoroughly address all parts of the question. You focused more on the negatives of using computers rather than balancing the argument with the potential positive aspects of both computers and teachers in education.
coherence cohesion
Focus on strengthening your coherence by making your arguments more logically structured. Each paragraph should clearly follow from the previous one, with smooth transitions in between.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay's cohesion by striving for a natural flow of ideas. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
For better clarity and comprehensive ideas, expand on the points you mentioned. Provide more in-depth analysis or evidence for each argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear stance and prepares the reader for the arguments. This helps in setting up a well-structured essay.
task achievement
You presented clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. It’s evident that you have a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The main points were well-supported with relevant examples, which adds credibility to your arguments.
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