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Writing Samples
Band 3

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibilities of teachers, while other thinks this is role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#discipline #schools #people #responsibilities #teachers #role #parents
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In today's globalised
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 some consider that discipline should be the duty of
teachers
,
while
 others believe that
this
 is the responsibility of
parents
. Personally, I think
parents
 play more role in
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 nurture. In
this
 essay, I will explain my point of view. On the one hand,
leaners
Correct your spelling
learners
show examples
 spend more time with their family members. Despite the fact that it is considered that
teachers
 have to teach
children
 how to act in society and other
behevior
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 and rules. I agree with
this
 statement because in the classroom
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 learn how to act with each other and
teachers
 educate them
life
Change preposition
on life
show examples
 skills.
Moreover
, at
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
kids
cansume
Correct your spelling
consume
consumer
 academic
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
children
 spend more time with their family and they learn more from their
parents
. They set nurture at home
then
children
 begin to
cultuvate
Correct your spelling
cultivate
 other skills from
teachers
. I consider that family members play
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 role in their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 life.
Kids
 consider their
parents
 their
idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
show examples
 and
parents
 should teach their
children
 first life skills and abilities.
Furthermore
,
according to
psycologists
Correct your spelling
psychologists
, family influence more rather than school.
To sum up
, some people believe
teachers
 should be role
mode
Correct your spelling
models
show examples
 for
kids
,
by contrast
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think
parents
 should teach how to act in society.
Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on

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task achievement
In the introduction, make sure all aspects of the question are addressed. While mentioning both sides of the argument was good, explaining more about each side initially would strengthen your response.
task achievement
Use clear, concise, and accurate language to avoid minor errors and ambiguities. Improving grammatical range and accuracy would enhance comprehension of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from better paragraph structure and clarity. Make sure each paragraph clearly addresses one main idea supported by relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Effective use of linking words and phrases will improve the logical structure and make your arguments more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion present, effectively give an overview and summary of the essay's main points.
task achievement
You have a clear standpoint, and your ideas are generally comprehensive, highlighting your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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