IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Full-time university students spend much of their time on study. Some people think it is essential for them to take other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #students #time #study #people #activities
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Studying hard is an essential skill for achieving success in life. It is argued by some people that full-
time
students
 enrolled in universities must invest most of their
time
 in their studies.
However
, in my opinion, showing interest in other
activities
 is
also
 a significant approach to get other benefits. On the
one
 hand, spending
time
 on studies plays an important in a student's life because it provides vast knowledge and gives more clarity about the concepts.
This
 helps to gain more information on the profession that we want to pursue.
As a consequence
,
students
 would have been employed easily by the best organizations with higher salaries.
For instance
, nurses and doctors perform well in their academic records by studying around the clock and eventually end up with the best positions which are highly paid.
Time
 investment in the study makes not only
one
 familiar with a plethora of topics but
also
 helps in giving more opportunities to find the best job suited to qualifications.
On the other hand
, participation in other extra-curricular
activities
 is just as special. The first reason behind it is to provide the
students
 with more skills
such
 as communication, organization, leadership, decision-making, and critical thinking skills.
For example
, a student who plays the role of a leader makes him more aware of how to delegate tasks within the team and handle these tasks effectively. The second reason is to free them of the boredom of studying all the
time
 which gives a freshness to their whole day.
Therefore
, participating in these
activities
 makes sure that
one
 is more alert in all aspects rather than gaining expertise in
one
 field.
This
 essay concluded that people might think that taking part in other
activities
 is
such
 important as studying in terms of getting more experience and skills. People who are entirely against other engagements have a flawed understanding and underestimate the effects of what they believe. In my opinion, engagement in other
activities
 is equally imperative which makes the
students
 more experienced in other fields.
Submitted by neetpunar on

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coherence cohesion
You have presented a well-structured essay with both an introduction and a conclusion, which effectively frames your argument. To further improve clarity, consider providing a succinct thesis statement at the end of your introduction and a summarising restatement in your conclusion. To score higher in coherence and cohesion, focus on establishing stronger connections between ideas and paragraphs. This can be achieved through more cohesive devices, varied transition phrases, and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly link to the thesis.
task achievement
While your essay addresses the task, it lacks depth in responding fully to the question. Provide a balanced discussion on why some believe in the importance of sole dedication to studies while others advocate for extracurricular involvement. Include a more in-depth analysis and a wider range of examples to demonstrate real-world implications and strengthen your argument. Make sure that your opinion is clear throughout, and consistently relate back to the original prompt to directly answer the question. Aim to achieve a more thorough exploration of the topic to enhance task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Well-rounded education
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Personal growth
  • Soft skills
  • Burnout
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Employability
  • Practical experiences
  • Academic excellence
  • Mastery
  • Time management
  • Self-discovery
  • Social interaction
  • Building networks
  • Career opportunities
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