IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries have severe problems with students behavior. what do you this are the cause of this? what solution can you suggest?

Pupils’ actions lead to numerous issues in different
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the world.
This
Linking Words
 is a serious problem because it affects
speed
Add an article
the speed
show examples
 of the development level of the countries.
This
Linking Words
 essay will consider the main causes of
students
Use synonyms
’ tendency, before proposing two possible solutions. Perhaps the most important cause of
students
Use synonyms
’ behaviors in many countries is tending to
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
show examples
. It is widely considerable that pupils are influenced by bad ideas namely drugs,
guns
Correct word choice
and guns
show examples
 which are
showing
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 by
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, social media
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram,
YouTube
Correct word choice
and YouTube
show examples
 link to being nervous and
tending
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
victim
Correct article usage
a victim
show examples
 and, it leads to occur, particularly
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
bulling
Correct your spelling
bullying
show examples
. Another key factor is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 in daily life. Nowadays,
students
Use synonyms
 have a passive character, and they don’t compete
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other. They prefer to live
stabile
Correct your spelling
stable
show examples
 and riskless.
For example
Linking Words
, the fundamental target of the majority of them stays home and
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 time on the Internet. Fortunately,
however
Linking Words
, there are two promising solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem. First of all, the government should take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 for spending time on the internet
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
show examples
 on social media.
This
Linking Words
 would make
students
Use synonyms
 more
open-mind
Correct your spelling
open-minded
show examples
 and, it will link to feel positive. It is only possible to new law
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 for limiting screen time.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the governments can inline to
social
Add an article
the social
a social
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 which are
students
Use synonyms
 interested in for
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 productive life standard
such
Linking Words
 as running, swimming or playing violence. It should directly affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pupils’ mental and body health.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a challenging problem which is primarily caused by technological development and passive character. I recommend that governments address
this
Linking Words
 issue by new law regulation and encouraging social activities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the task appropriately by identifying key causes and suggesting potential solutions. However, you should clearly distinguish between the main points and supporting details.
task achievement
In some parts, the essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. To improve this, add more in-depth explanations and avoid vague statements.
task achievement
Attempt to include specific examples and real-life scenarios to substantiate your points. This adds depth to your argument and makes your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. This can be achieved by using more linking words and phrases, such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' etc.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they can be made stronger. Make sure your introduction clearly states your main points, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay while offering a final insight.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that your main points are fully developed and supported by examples. Avoid introducing new ideas in your concluding paragraph.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and stays relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally clear with distinct paragraphs for different points.
task achievement
You offer two practical solutions to the problem, showing a thoughtful approach to addressing the issues.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: