IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development??

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
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In recent years, there is a significant number of nations
approve
Wrong verb form
approved
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 applicants without considering about
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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.
However
, each has its own perks, I suppose that
this
 trend brings both advantages and disadvantages and the reasons will be discussed as follows. On the one hand, there are various reasons why I acknowledge that refusing job applicants relative to their
age
 may bring pros.
To begin
 with, it depends on the positions of occupations. A case in
this
 point is jobs which are required to have good health
such
 as construction, and heavy goods transportation. These occupations are usually more suitable for young people than for older individuals.
Therefore
,
according to
 the work environments, employers are able to accept the job applicants for their
age
.
Besides
, minimizing recruitment costs and training
also
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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companies' revenue. Young employees usually work longer, and even they can learn quickly. A prime example of
this
 is my friend has been working in
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
show examples
 department since he was 19. He has a great ability to absorb new languages quickly.
Thus
, he always completes his tasks before the deadline.
On the other hand
, I assume that rejecting
candidates
 because of their
age
 can cause the cons.
Firstly
, it is relative to legal risks. Imposing limit ages during the recruitment process can lead to
age
 discrimination.
Secondly
, it is missing out on leveraging experience. Eliminating
candidates
 based on
age
 can result in missing opportunities to leverage valuable experience and knowledge from experienced
candidates
.
Finally
, it leads to a lack of dissent. Employees of different ages often have different perspectives on issues.
Therefore
, if only hiring workers from a certain
age
 group,
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will lead to a lack of diverse opinions for debate and decision-making. In conclusion, eliminating
candidates
 for their
age
 can bring both merits and downsides to employers.
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task achievement
In the introduction, make sure to have a clear thesis statement that states your position directly. For instance, you can rephrase 'I suppose that this trend brings both advantages and disadvantages' as 'This development has both positive and negative aspects.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph stays focused on a single idea and uses clear topic sentences that relate to your overall argument.
task achievement
Where possible, elaborate more on your examples to clearly connect them to your main points.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, starting from an introduction, then presenting arguments, and ending with a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
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