IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

If a product is good or it meets people's needs, people will buy it so advertising is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#product #people
Some people consider that advertising
of
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apply
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a
product
 is not vital if it meets the customer's needs. I completely disagree with
this
 idea because
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 promotion can
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
income
Correct article usage
the income
show examples
 of the company and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 more chances
of
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to
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 improving the
product
. Correct advertisement attracts more customers to purchase the service which leads to an increase in demand. The more people can afford to buy it, the bigger the supply gets,
following
Correct word choice
and following
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 it the profit grows significantly.
For instance
, these days, digital advertisements are leading the pack. People spend most of their time on their phones;
hence
, advertisements are able to
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 attract many new clients. With the
expand
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expansion
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 of the market, companies
also
 have more resources and chances of improving the
product
 because of the feedback they receive.
In other words
, with the rise in
number
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a number
the number
show examples
 of
customers
Add a comma
customers,
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 the reviews for its
product
 go up along the way.
Consequently
, they present to the company a better outlook on the stats, including quality, of a
product
. Take
for example
 famous companies like Apple, their
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 constantly advancing and updating, especially phones. Partially because the drawbacks the previous versions had set a stage for the future
improvents
Correct your spelling
improvements
,
therefore
 consumers' feedbacks help developers to make better quality products. All in all, well-created advertisements help businesses to not only
multiple
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multiply
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 their earnings
,
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apply
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 but
also
 provide data on how
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 service can get better;
thus
, I disagree that marketing is unnecessary.
Submitted by katenok200312 on

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grammar
Make sure to thoroughly proofread your essay for minor spelling and grammatical errors to elevate the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
While your essay provides a clear stance, try to develop your arguments more with additional examples and details for even stronger support.
coherence
Avoid repetitive wording and ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to improve the overall flow.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your task response.
coherence
Your main points are logically structured and show a clear progression of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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