In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
The percentage of older individuals is rising in many nations.
While
this
is a beneficial phenomenon, there are some drawbacks. It leads us to be in touch with them and gain their life experiences. However
, senior people
's lack of new technological affairs interferes with their efforts for contemporary jobs. I will illustrate several reasons for this
matter.
Firstly
, the older generation has a massive accumulation of knowledge and experience. Sharing their life experiences and memories can be educational and meaningful for younger generations. Moreover
, older people
feel more relaxed and less lonely when they interact with the new generations. For instance
, my grandfather was a veteran from
the Afghan-Soviet war. Sharing his memories helped him overcome the challenges that remained from war trauma.
Change preposition
of
Secondly
, despite the positive outcomes of an increasing number of older people
, there are numerous adverse effects. Globalization and advancements in technology make it difficult for older generations to follow new technologies
. Furthermore
, they struggle to find employment due to
their impediments with current technologies
. For example
, computer science is a trending job among adolescents for their future occupation. However
, an older person may not even know how to use a computer properly. Thus
, it is a serious problem for older people
, who cannot sustain their ability to follow technological advancements . Their inefficiencies are unfavourable to both themselves and society. To combat this
issue, the government plays a vital role. An institute that teaches older people
about new technologies
is needed and should be implemented by the government.
In conclusion, although
expanding the proportion of older individuals can contribute to spreading knowledge and experience that benefits young people
, their difficulties in acquiring and keeping up with new technological developments can hinder their ability to secure jobs. I would recommend the construction of institutes dedicated to helping senior citizens with new technologies
. This
initiative could be successfully executed by the government.Submitted by Yasar Khan on
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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence. Using cohesive devices like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion' is good, but consider adding more variety in your transitions and linking phrases.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Ensure that each point is fully elaborated and explore multiple dimensions of the argument. For example, provide more examples and dive deeper into the implications of the aging population.
general
There are minor language inaccuracies. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and ensuring that complex sentences are grammatically correct will raise your score. Also, some sentences could benefit from rephrasing for clarity.
task achievement
You have identified several key advantages and disadvantages of an aging population, and you provided relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...