Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents, and therefore advertising to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give your own opinion.

#say #advertisements #toys #snacks #impact #children #parents

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Nowadays, watching advertisements

Change preposition

for

show examples

toys and

snacks

could

Verb problem

have

show examples

a big impact

for

Change preposition

show examples

children and their parents.

Hence

, people suggest that we should

be banned

Wrong verb form

ban

show examples

it.

This

essay will explain

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

my point of

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

this

issues

Fix the agreement mistake

issue

show examples

. In general, watching

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

TV could be a bad

infulence

Correct your spelling

influence

for kids. It will stimulate their brain and

not

Add a missing verb

is not

show examples

good for

mental

Correct pronoun usage

their mental

show examples

health

neither

Correct word choice

either

show examples

. Especially for younger age, tend to

affect

Wrong verb form

be affected

show examples

by what they

watched

Wrong verb form

watch

show examples

easily. They might start asking their parents to buy some toys or

snacks

after

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they watched on a TV. Toys would not be that big

Correct article usage

an issues

show examples

issues

Fix the agreement mistake

issue

show examples

although

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

snacks

would cause more serious health problems. As you know,

suger

Correct your spelling

sugar

could be a trigger of some

diceases

Correct your spelling

diseases

such

dibetes

Correct your spelling

diabetes

over-weight

Correct your spelling

overweight

show examples

and decay.

In addition

, it is addictive so that reason definitely better

prevent

Fix the infinitive

to prevent

show examples

exposing

Replace the word

exposure

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

advertisements. In conclusion, it is their

parents

Change to a genitive case

parent's

parents'

show examples

responsibility to supervise them and reduce

Correct article usage

the

show examples

time watching

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

TV.

Although

Correct word choice

However

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

these days,

Remove the article

apply

show examples

temptation is everywhere and not easy to avoid, so

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the

regulation

Fix the agreement mistake

regulations

show examples

should be changed.I

agreed

Wrong verb form

agree

show examples

that, at least the

gorvernment

Correct your spelling

government

should be banned advertisements of

snacks

for children's health.

Submitted by arii0113 on Wed May 22 2024

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task achievement

In the introduction, mention your stance clearly to provide a clear direction for your essay.

task achievement

Try to offer more relevant and specific examples to reinforce your points. This adds credibility to your argument.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a logical order and connection between your ideas to improve the flow of your writing.

coherence cohesion

Work on providing a clearer transition between paragraphs and within paragraphs to enhance coherence.

coherence cohesion

Check for grammar and lexical errors to improve clarity and precision. For example, 'sugar' instead of 'suger', 'diseases' instead of 'diceases'.

task achievement

Good effort in addressing the topic and providing an opinion, which is supported by points.

coherence cohesion

A conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides a final opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

192 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

impressionable
manipulation
persuasive intent
financial strain
dietary habits
childhood obesity
regulations
free market practices
vulnerable
exposure

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Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents, and therefore advertising to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Many schools today require students to work without pay for companies as part of their education. Is this more advantageous to students or companies?

It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

The increase in crime rate in cities is a major concern for governments. Discuss the causes of this increase and

The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Governments should discourage people from constantly buying more up to date or fashionable products. To what extent do you agree with this statement?