Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents, and therefore advertising to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give your own opinion.
Nowadays, watching advertisements
of
toys and Change preposition
for
snacks
could be
a big impact Verb problem
have
for
children and their parents. Change preposition
on
Hence
, people suggest that we should be banned
it. Wrong verb form
ban
This
essay will explain about
my point of Change preposition
apply
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
with
Change preposition
on
this
issues
.
In general, watching Fix the agreement mistake
issue
a
TV could be a bad Correct article usage
apply
infulence
for kids. It will stimulate their brain and Correct your spelling
influence
not
good for Add a missing verb
is not
mental
health Correct pronoun usage
their mental
neither
. Especially for younger age, tend to Correct word choice
either
affect
by what they Wrong verb form
be affected
watched
easily. They might start asking their parents to buy some toys or Wrong verb form
watch
snacks
after,
because they watched on a TV.
Toys would not be that big Remove the comma
apply
Correct article usage
an issues
issues
, Fix the agreement mistake
issue
although
for
Change preposition
apply
snacks
would cause more serious health problems. As you know, suger
could be a trigger of some Correct your spelling
sugar
diceases
Correct your spelling
diseases
such
as dibetes
, Correct your spelling
diabetes
over-weight
and decay. Correct your spelling
overweight
In addition
, it is addictive so that reason definitely better prevent
Fix the infinitive
to prevent
exposing
Replace the word
exposure
from
advertisements.
In conclusion, it is their Change preposition
to
parents
responsibility to supervise them and reduce Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
a
time watching Correct article usage
the
a
TV. Correct article usage
apply
Although
Correct word choice
However
in
these days, Change preposition
apply
a
temptation is everywhere and not easy to avoid, so Remove the article
apply
that
the Correct word choice
apply
regulation
should be changed.I Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
agreed
that, at least the Wrong verb form
agree
gorvernment
should be banned advertisements of Correct your spelling
government
snacks
for children's health.Submitted by arii0113 on
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task achievement
In the introduction, mention your stance clearly to provide a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
Try to offer more relevant and specific examples to reinforce your points. This adds credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical order and connection between your ideas to improve the flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer transition between paragraphs and within paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammar and lexical errors to improve clarity and precision. For example, 'sugar' instead of 'suger', 'diseases' instead of 'diceases'.
task achievement
Good effort in addressing the topic and providing an opinion, which is supported by points.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides a final opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.