Art classes, such as painting and drawing are as important to child’s development as other subject, so it should be compulsory inhigh schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
There is a common view that painting and drawing play an important role in
child’s
development like other natural subjects, so it must be compulsory in high school. Correct article usage
a child’s
This
essay agree
that painting is very vital, but not have to Change the verb form
agrees
study
in high Wrong verb form
be studied
schools
.
On the one hand, the role of classes involving Fix the agreement mistake
school
art
is admittedly as important as that of others. For instance
, while
math which regularly requires students to calculate and solve mathematical question
helps develop their mental ability, painting and drawing Fix the agreement mistake
questions
a
facilitate a child’s growth Correct article usage
apply
his
or her emotional intelligence. By attending these classes, students stand a chance to learn how to observe works of Change preposition
of his
art
and can look through Add an article
the picture
picture
to analyze Change the form of the verb
pictures
it
and Correct pronoun usage
them
intensive
Correct word choice
apply
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
Change preposition
of
feeling
Verb problem
apply
others
emotions. The major reason is student Change noun form
others'
other's
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
also
as great as
in English and Change preposition
apply
languages
because Correct word choice
other languages
all
of Change preposition
of all
knowledge
they will apply to express their ideas.
Add an article
the knowledge
On the other hand
, if painting to learn
in high school, it will have some problems. Verb problem
taught
Firstly
, not many student
Change to a plural noun
students
is
enthusiastic about are, which Correct subject-verb agreement
are
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
this
subject ten to bored
and Correct word choice
be too boring
stress to enforce
to learn Wrong verb form
stressful
Correct pronoun usage
apply
it
seriously. Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
amount of time can paying
attention Change the verb form
pay
be paying
on
other classes that Change preposition
to
they
more interested in and use Add a verb
they are
they were
it
more Correct pronoun usage
them
effective
. Change the word
effectively
Secondly
, should art
be obligatory at school, students who are not artistically gifted may difficult
grade to achieve scores Add a missing verb
have difficult
this
subject.
Taking all points into Change preposition
in this
accounts
, despite being as beneficial to a student’s growth as other subjects, Fix the agreement mistake
account
art
course
should Fix the agreement mistake
courses
no
be obligated in high schools.Correct your spelling
not
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Introduction Clarity
Your introduction sets up the topic well, but it can be clearer in stating your position. Try to explicitly state whether you agree or disagree and why.
Supporting Arguments
Some arguments are not fully developed or supported by specific examples. Be sure to provide more concrete examples to strengthen your points.
Grammar and Phrasing
Your essay has some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'paintings and drawing a facilitate a child’s growth his or her emotional intelligence' needs correction. Consider revising for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence Structure
Work on sentence variety and structure. Try to avoid repetitive sentence structures and make sure each sentence flows smoothly into the next.
Conclusion Strength
Your conclusion does a good job of summarizing your main points. However, ensure it restates your clear stance on the topic as well.
Balanced Perspective
You address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
Strong Argument
You make a good argument about the importance of emotionally intelligent growth through art, which is a strong point.
Clear Structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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