Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Gifted classes are becoming
all-pervasive
in Replace the word
more pervasive
this
modern world than ever before. However
, there remains certain
discrepancy as to whether these courses should Correct article usage
a certain
compulsory
for children around the world. Add a missing verb
be compulsory
Whereas
many put forward the approval proposition, I hold to the belief that teenagers should choose to learn based on the
passion and object to the obligatory.
First and foremost, the talents of adolescents are the things that should be considered seriously. Obviously, Correct article usage
apply
be
good at drawing, music and painting can bring children Wrong verb form
being
to
a wide range of opportunities Change preposition
apply
of
jobs. Change preposition
for
However
, there is a minority of teenagers has
talent in Correct subject-verb agreement
have
Add an article
the arts
arts
field and make a decision to learn. So, parents should not obligate children to join the classes at Change the noun form
art
school
or extra classes. Furthermore
, one of the critical problems associated with these issues that
students can be bored Add a missing verb
is that
to learn
without Change preposition
with learning
interested
in Add a missing verb
being interested
subjects
.
Correct article usage
the subjects
However
, there are stronger rationales to believe that art-related subjects
should not be imposed as a mandatory requirement in high school
curricula. The key argument here is that most highest
Correct word choice
high
school
students have had self-orientations toward specific professions that they want to pursue in the future. That is
to say, dividing their energy and studying timetable for arts
is very unreasonable as there are other academic subjects
to prioritize. Therefore
, arts
should be taught as supplementary subjects
and only be focused on by those who consider this
field as their future career path.
In conclusion, notwithstanding the merits of teaching arts
at high schools, I am firmly convinced that they should not become compulsory subjects
because there may be some detrimental effects on high school
students' learning process.Submitted by [email protected]
on
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task achievement
The introduction should directly address the topic and give the reader a clear sense of what will be discussed. Your current introduction is a bit unclear and focuses more on 'gifted classes' instead of the specific art classes mentioned in the prompt. Make sure to stay on topic.
task achievement
Your main points are somewhat clear, but they need to be better supported with specific examples and evidence. For instance, you could discuss specific benefits of art education or consequences of making it compulsory.
task achievement
Try to avoid vague language like 'a minority of teenagers' and instead use more precise expressions.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure needs improvement as some arguments are repeated and not clearly linked to the main thesis. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties back to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Try using transitional words and phrases to create a more seamless flow between your ideas. This will help improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and states your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
You make some good arguments for why art should not be compulsory, such as the need for students to prioritize more relevant subjects.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.