IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

School should not force children to learn a foreign language. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 globalization era, it is argued that children do not have to learn a foreign
language
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 in school and
schools
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 should not force the
students
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 to learn it.
This
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 essay does not agree with that statement because by learning different
languages
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students
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 can expand their social relations.
Besides
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, in
this
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 modern era, foreign
language
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 is really important , especially for work. Foreign
languages
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 open opportunities for children to have friends from different countries. By learning foreign
languages
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 at school,
students
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 can enhance their
language
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ability
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.
Language
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ability
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 is really important because by having
this
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 skill,
students
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 will be more confident to make new connections with people from different countries.
In addition
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, with good
language
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ability
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,
students
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 can communicate with foreigners easily.
For example
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,
students
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 who can speak English fluently are confident to be a tour guide for tourists in many tourist attraction places.
Besides
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,
students
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 who have a good
ability
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 in speaking English are more confident to join some student exchange programs.
Furthermore
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, many companies in
this
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 era prefer to recruit employees who have good
language
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 skills.
This
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 is because there are many multinational companies that have a branch office in multiple countries. By learning foreign
languages
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 in school,
students
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 can easily qualify for that requirement because learning a
language
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 is not easy, it is something that takes time.
For instance
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, in Indonesia
students
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 who graduate from international
schools
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 will be easier to get a job, especially in multinational companies because their
language
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ability
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 is above average than
students
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 who graduate from local
schools
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. In conclusion, there are so many benefits that
students
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 will get if they have good
language
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 skills. Because of
this
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 reason,
schools
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 have to put
language
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 foreign subjects in their curriculum.

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coherence cohesion
To strengthen the logical structure of your essay, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within sentences. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, consider reinforcing your thesis statement in the conclusion for a more impactful closure. Restate your main points with a summary that clearly conveys your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Each of your main points is supported, but adding more detailed examples or statistical data could provide more convincing evidence for your claims. Specific anecdotes or research findings can enrich your argument.
task achievement
You've completed the response and provided clear ideas, but aim to develop your arguments further. Elaborate on the significance of each point and explore potential counterarguments to show a deeper level of analysis.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to illustrate your points; however, try to incorporate a broader range of examples, including personal, historical, or widely recognized events to strengthen your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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