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Band 3.5

The overuse of natural resources cause an ultimate exhaust of them. People have been using them to be in swim of new styles such as making new furniture of recent design. This causes a huge harm to the environment. Therefore, the government should discourage people the overuse of this resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#overuse #resources #exhaust #people #styles #furniture #design #harm #environment #government
As the technology has been developed in many aspects,
people
 often overuse the natural
resources
such
 as clothes or
furnitures
Change the wording
furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
show examples
. I strongly agree that the government should
regulate
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
people
 from overusing natural
resources
. On the one hand, there are
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of reasons that governments should not regulate
overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
show examples
 of natural
resources
. First and foremost, new products can develop
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. If the economy
invent
Change the verb form
invents
show examples
 a new product, naturally the
costomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 will be willing to buy it. In
this
 sense,
costomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 will spend their money to get a new product.
Consequently
, it leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth.
Moreover
, producing new
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 provides variety to
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
show examples
. Nowadays young
people
 prefer to buy things that are special from others.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons
Rephrase
why that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government should discourage
overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
show examples
 of natural
resources
.
Firstly
, mass production
occures
Correct your spelling
causes
 environmental issues
such
 as water
levwl
Correct your spelling
level
levels
 increase,
air
Correct word choice
and air
show examples
 pollution.
Secondly
, all the natural
resources
 are limited. If
people
 use natural
resources
 without awareness,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be exhausted in a few years. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 nowadays
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about the environment much and continue damaging the environment.
People
's lack of
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 towards the environment has
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 impact. In conclusion,
although
 there are benefits
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 overusing natural
resources
, the drawbacks override the benefits.
Thus
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should regulate and prohibit from using natural
resoures
Correct your spelling
resources
.
Submitted by hchtaell on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively by presenting both sides of the argument, which is good. However, including more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your points significantly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally clear, but there are some issues with clarity and coherence in your explanations. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant details.
language
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and lexical resource usage. Small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can sometimes confuse the reader. Using a range of vocabulary accurately will help convey your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
It would be helpful to link your paragraphs more smoothly. Using transitional words and phrases can provide a more logical flow to your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good attempt at balancing both sides of the argument regarding the overuse of natural resources, which is essential for a well-rounded discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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