IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The rise of convenice foods has helped people keep up with the speed of modern lifestyle. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#rise #convenice #foods #people #lifestyle #trend
In the modern days, the increase of fast
food
 or canning
food
 can tackle the hustle and bustle lifestyle
due to
 its facility. The writer of
this
 essay asserts that the drawbacks of
this
 type of
food
 can contribute to the obesity of consumers outweigh the saving
time
 . The most disadvantageous factor is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenience
food
 can cause corpulence for users. To be more specific, fast
food
 contains higher cholesterol rates than
another type
Fix the agreement mistake
other types
show examples
 of foods which directly affects the cardiovascular.
Moreover
, these
food
 types do not involve any necessary nutrition for the body to absorb.
As a consequence
, people will be overweight and can have some problems with heart disease. Take the USA as a prime example, the number of obese people gets higher annually
due to
 the rise in consumption of fast
food
.
However
, some individuals can optimize their
time
. To explain more, these people believe that they can utilise a reasonable
time
 to analyse their work,
such
 as meeting their cooperators.
This
 may be true in some cases but the canning
food
 or fast
food
 does not provide enough energy to these workers.
Moreover
, some individuals can be allergic to the ingredients in these types of
food
.
As a result
Add a comma
,
show examples
productivity can not be achieved which leads to a downturn in profits. In conclusion, the type of
food
 that can contribute to the obesity of consumers outweighs the saving
time
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of convenience foods, but it could be enhanced with more detailed arguments. For instance, consider expanding on why saving time is significant for individuals and how it impacts their overall lifestyle.
coherence cohesion
The essay’s structure is quite sound, but you need to ensure smoother transitions between your ideas. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader more effectively from one point to the next.
general
Some sentences contain grammatical errors and awkward phrasing which can obscure meaning. Proofreading your essay for such errors will make your arguments clearer.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples, like the one about obesity rates in the USA, which helps to support your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which sets a strong foundation for your essay. The introduction presents the topic effectively and the conclusion summarises your stance well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!