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Writing Samples
Band 5

The rise of convenice foods has helped people keep up with the speed of modern lifestyle. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#rise #convenice #foods #people #lifestyle #trend
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In the modern days, the increase of fast
food
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 or canning
food
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 can tackle the hustle and bustle lifestyle
due to
Linking Words
 its facility. The writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay asserts that the drawbacks of
this
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 type of
food
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 can contribute to the obesity of consumers outweigh the saving
time
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 . The most disadvantageous factor is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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convenience
food
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 can cause corpulence for users. To be more specific, fast
food
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 contains higher cholesterol rates than
another type
Fix the agreement mistake
other types
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 of foods which directly affects the cardiovascular.
Moreover
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, these
food
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 types do not involve any necessary nutrition for the body to absorb.
As a consequence
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, people will be overweight and can have some problems with heart disease. Take the USA as a prime example, the number of obese people gets higher annually
due to
Linking Words
 the rise in consumption of fast
food
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.
However
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, some individuals can optimize their
time
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. To explain more, these people believe that they can utilise a reasonable
time
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 to analyse their work,
such
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 as meeting their cooperators.
This
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 may be true in some cases but the canning
food
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 or fast
food
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 does not provide enough energy to these workers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some individuals can be allergic to the ingredients in these types of
food
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.
As a result
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
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productivity can not be achieved which leads to a downturn in profits. In conclusion, the type of
food
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 that can contribute to the obesity of consumers outweighs the saving
time
Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of convenience foods, but it could be enhanced with more detailed arguments. For instance, consider expanding on why saving time is significant for individuals and how it impacts their overall lifestyle.
coherence cohesion
The essay’s structure is quite sound, but you need to ensure smoother transitions between your ideas. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader more effectively from one point to the next.
general
Some sentences contain grammatical errors and awkward phrasing which can obscure meaning. Proofreading your essay for such errors will make your arguments clearer.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples, like the one about obesity rates in the USA, which helps to support your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which sets a strong foundation for your essay. The introduction presents the topic effectively and the conclusion summarises your stance well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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