In some countries, university students live at home, while in other countries university students go to other cities rather than live with their family. Do you think the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages.
One of the most controversial issues today relates to university
students
who go to other cities rather than stay with their family
. Personally, I strongly disagree with Fix the agreement mistake
families
this
belief and this
essay will feature some reasons explaining my view.
One of the strongest arguments against the preference in going
to other cities to live with their families can be ascribed to the distraction. The main reason for believing Change preposition
to go
this
is that teenagers with lack
of experience can easily passionate Correct article usage
a lack
to
Change preposition
about
the
large amount of entertainment, namely, video games Change the article
a
as well as
toxic drugs. Equally importantly, youngsters with immature thinking can be scammed by the
professional scammers. Correct article usage
apply
As a consequence
, adolescences
might Replace the word
adolescents
be imposed
a financial burden on Wrong verb form
impose
students
and posed
challenges Wrong verb form
pose
on
balancing education and amusement.
A Change preposition
in
further
point which needs to be considered is academic decline. Away from the safety net of families
support, schoolchildren have to get accustomed to navigating life’s challenges Change the noun form
family
such
as economic difficulties. This
can result in the fact that the students
will not focus on their learning problems because they have to tackle the challenges and completely think about how to take care of their lives.
There are, however
, some arguments support
that living away from home Correct pronoun usage
that support
of
university Change preposition
apply
students
can be attributed to the opportunity for independence and self-reliance. The most typical of these is teenagers can gain the opportunities in finding jobs and paying for their necessary
. Replace the word
necessities
Moreover
, youngsters can prove their
Change preposition
to their
parents
that they can take care of themselves without them because most parents
worry that their children cannot live independently. Therfore
, Correct your spelling
Therefore
adolescences
who Replace the word
adolescents
is
moving to Correct subject-verb agreement
are
another cities
will not depend on their Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
parents
and they can also
earn money to
their Change preposition
for
parents
when they are
succeed.
In conclusion, I tend to believe that moving away from home for Unnecessary verb
apply
university
education is a bad trend. Correct article usage
a university
Parents
should fully equip them with the necessary knowledge and practice how
to take care of them before letting them live on their own.Change preposition
of how
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task but lacks depth. While it presents some arguments against living away from home, it does not fully explore the counterarguments. Ensure to delve deeper into both sides of the issue to provide a balanced view.
task achievement
Work on developing clear and comprehensive ideas. Some points are underdeveloped or not entirely clear. Use specific examples to support your arguments where possible, and explain them in more detail.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. The arguments can be better organized and transitions between ideas made smoother. Use more cohesive devices to link your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are fairly strong. They clearly outline and summarize your stance. However, make sure each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the conclusion succinctly reinforces your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the support of your main points, include more detailed examples and explanations. This will make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate a higher level of critical thinking.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and clearly presents your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a conclusion that summarizes your main points, which is crucial for coherence.
Task Achievement
You have included some arguments and counterarguments, which shows an attempt at a balanced discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example