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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The internet is the best way to know about different things around the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#internet #world
In
this
 technological era, it is straightforward for
people
 to obtain world
wild
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
information
 by sitting in one place. I believe
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is a convenient way to learn distinct
information
 about the global. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree that the
inoveation
Correct your spelling
innovation
invention
 of the
internet
 helps
people
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
. I will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 detailed
information
 about
this
 in the forthcoming paragraphs. It has
been
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 many pros of the
internet
.
Firstly
, after the invention of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, inequality between the poor and rich
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been decreasing.
For example
, every individual gains the same knowledge related to education and learns about financial management skills, which succour them to
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 a bright future.
Secondly
,
people
 can learn about different cultural heritage.
Thirdly
,
people
 can book an international hotel by
use of
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 the
Internet
. On the other side, the
internet
 decline the memory power of humans.
For example
, in the past
people
 used to remember the direction of a city and their contact number, but nowadays
people
 rely on the map for directions and google diary to save contact numbers.
However
, maps
also
 help
people
 to visit unknown
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, without any hesitations. By the use of the
internet
, employers can be prominent in their business by selling their products internationally.
People
 can
also
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 by knowing about the weather and plan their trips
according to
 that. Video calls feel
people
 connected and stay in touch with each other even if they are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 distance. In recapitulation, I tend to deem that the
internet
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in everyone's life by providing up-to-date
information
 and
make’s
Wrong verb form
making’s
show examples
people
 life flexible.
Submitted by milonishekhaliya on

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas presented in the essay are supported by specific, detailed examples. For instance, the example of the Internet decreasing inequality could be clarified and expanded upon to make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on using a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability. Also, be more precise in your language to avoid vague statements.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical errors and punctuation to maintain the flow of sentences, as errors can distract the reader and make the text less coherent.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in presenting the ideas logically.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by acknowledging both the positive and negative aspects of the Internet, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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